[sweetmelissa]

Hi everyone.
First, I'd like to say this board is an AWESOME source of non-biased information about the lifestyle. Thank you to the organizers and people who post here!

I need some advice- this is a complex situation so please read the whole post. My husband and I have been married for nearly 16 years, in the lifestyle for the past 1 1/2 years. We love each other very much and have always had a pretty good sex life outside the lifestyle. as originally the one interested, and we attended parties as voyeurs at first, then I initiated our first "real" experiences in the lifestyle out of curiosity and also the desire to please him. Things started out great- we both enjoyed our experiences and they added to our sex life at home- which was our true goal anyway. We have settled into a once-a-month swing experience schedule (usually a lifestyle party and we usually stay overnight) and have stayed at the soft-swap (oral) stage mostly because I feel that intercourse is very intimate and should be reserved for he and I alone.

Here is my problem: Lately (say the last 4-5 months) he doesn't seem to be satisfied with the outcome of our swing experiences no matter what happens, and gets upset. Either he is "not involved enough" like when we end up in a mostly girl-girl situation and all the guys watch, or because we have to leave (we have children and not always overnight babysitting), or because we don't hook up with anyone for whatever reason, or once because there was a really obnoxious guy who wouldn't shut up the whole time and kept distracting everyone. The last time, we had a good experience with another couple (at least I thought so), but afterwards he started questioning me about why I won't full swap, because to him oral is just as intimate as intercourse, or so he says. He was also upset because I took a long time getting ready for the party (to me getting ready and looking sexy is also a turn-on) The bottom line is he seems to have a very short fuse and we tend to get into an argument regardless of how the evening ends up (sometimes the fight happens the next day). So instead of feeling closer to each other, the experience ends on a sour note for both of us. In my mind, this negates the whole reason we are supposed to be doing this, which is to bring us closer together.

This last time, I told him I didn't want to do it (swing) anymore because it seems to be causing so many problems between us. However, I am conflicted because I DO enjoy many aspects of the lifestyle and it has brought us much pleasure in the past. He said Okay, but I can tell he is not happy with my decision, and to be truthful, I would really like to have some involvement in the lifestyle because it is fun and has brought us closer in the past. Please, has anyone else out there had a situation like this? Our marriage comes first always!!! I would like to continue with the lifestyle, is there a way to do it and also keep the peace? Help!!!