[sereneiders]

I agree with mostly of what have been told.

First of all, to swing you have to set up rules and limits. The lack of experience usually leads you into scenarios for which you didn't had any previous rule set, so you need a "meta-rule" on how to deal in these cases. The meta-rule could be, ok, go along with the situation, then we see how we felt and make a new rule, or it could be conservative: stop what you're doing, then we'll talk about what happend and figure out the new rule, or whatever in the middle.

These scenarios may include the expected behavior when being alone with other people (accidentaly or not), or the alcohol issue (for example, if one notices the other drank too much, it's time to call off).

It seems your experience mixed several scenarios you both were unaware of beforehand. You cannot make an issue of an untold rule, or because of something you lack a rule for, because she did something that didn't meet your expectations. No one of you will be able to gess what the other expects, moreover if there are contradictory premises, like asking her to hook up the gals, and even for her to realize thet there are the women the ones setting up the game, ALLWAYS, inside the clubs.

We have another preservation rule, perhaps the more important one because it's the required one to be able to swing: if something happens that hurts or dislike some of us, then we'll talk about it ONCE, set that something as off limits, and we won't bring up that something in any further argument we may have. We are doing this togheter, we're learning togheter, we're able to make mistakes and FOR SURE we will make mistakes we will have to learn from. It is our choice to do this, and we asume the mistake made by one of us as it were happening to both of us AT ONCE, so I cannot blame on her nor she blame on me, if WE DID a mistake, is a shared responsability we have to deal with.

It seems you felt hurt because the lack of experience leaded you into to a situation you had not rules for, and because YOU expected her to fit to your UNTOLD expectations on how to behave in such a situation. In the worst case (let suppose she did something in the bathroom with the other gal), it is a SHARED mistake (both of you failed to foresight the other expectations).

If you cannot deal with the pain nor talk about it for three days, if your attitude will be to blame on her about the mistakes without looking for your own contributions to those mistakes, then you want to enjoy the cake but you're leaving to her the risk to burn herself (alone) with the hoven. You both have to share the burdens of swinging, if you cannot, then swinging isn't for you.

BTW, just for you to know, clubs lady bathrooms use to be crouded of women that require more time in there than the one they spend when going to the bathroom in let say, a restaurant. Most of them have to clean up themselves after having sex, this means, not only to pee, also to wash themselves (sometimes getting rid of cum strains anywhere), fix the make up... once corwded there they talk to each other, ask details about people someone esle was having fun with (remember, the women are the one setting up the game in the clubs, thus this gives them a chance to gather information they wouldn't get somewhere else)... so... ladies bathroom in swingers clubs turns into social clubs themselves, which adds to the time ladies spend there, perhaps just waiting to be able to do their stuff. I've been waiting for my wyfe to come back form the bathroom for half an hour because of this.

So, you may CHOOSE to explain these ten minutes the way YOU LIKE. You can do it to feed your worst fears and turn what happend into a nightmare. Or you can talk to her and CHOOSE to trust her. And if you cannot trust her and need her to account for every minute she spend alone in the ladies room, then again, swinging isn't for you.