[intuition897]

While I agree that swinging is definitely not a game of numbers or notches on lipstick cases, and keeping score has no place in it, I also have to agree with lovedoctor.

Although it tends to often lean in favour of the woman, when it comes to power in a swinging relationship, ideally it should be dead level. Reverse the sexes. Would the advice change somewhat? If it was him breaking the rules without prior discussion, would he get a break? Probably not. I agree that Mr. sexycouple's feelings should not be dismissed as trivial or unfounded; the fact remains that they walked into the club with pre-arranged and firmly set boundaries. The deal was that these rules would not change without being discussed outside of a swinging situation. This didn't happen. Getting "caught up in the moment" doesn't cut it.

Now I don't want to seem like I'm coming down on Mrs. sexycouple like a ton of bricks here. She screwed up. It's done. Learn, put it in the past, and move on. It is still important that she realizes that it was (or at least in my relationship it would be) a major transgression and breach of trust. So it hurt. So what? It's just a little pain. Both of you can still stand up and brush off the dust and learn that that is just one of those things that is NOT cool to ever do again! When you're just starting out, you can expect your partner to inadvertantly hurt you...or maybe even do it intentionally. It's really important to learn to be assertive about your needs and rights and set up your own personal boundaries (which your own partner must respect as well), and understand that your partner will cross them from time to time. Be prepared to speak up, correct him/her, and forgive.