 Re: what exactly is it?
To us, respect is in the way people treat others- their own partner, N, me, and anyone else around. Nothing turns us off faster then when one of the partners is demeaning or rude to the other. Politeness and kindness are paramount for us and we try to get with couples that feel the same way.
Another piece of the respect equation is being sure that something is OK before taking a giant leap. It would be annoying if a partner were to give you the "do you like this...how about this..." every few seconds, but I would consider it disrespectful for a guy to go from kissing my wife to throwing her on the bed and backdooring her without some checkpoints in between. Checkpoints- moving slowly and gauging the other's reaction OR verbally checking in ("you ok with...?").
Sure, sometimes there will be misunderstandings and someone will be misread, but respect also comes in the way that is handled. If a person were to start doing something that I am not comfortable with, I would respect them enough to kindly (respectfully) tell them without bruising their ago or embarrassing them.
-T
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