[Spoomonkey]

Top Ten Newbie Mistakes:

10. Putting on the "Strap On" backwards
9. Ruminating on how much it "tastes like chicken"
8. Putting pictures of your Social Security Card on your personal ad
7. Putting flyers in all the neighborhood mailboxes
6. Asking the other husband, "So how's this bitch work, anyway?"
5. "Assuming" they're into watersports
4. Asking if you can get the "rode hard and hung out wet" discount
3. Screaming, "I'm CUMMMMING!" in that funny Elmo voice
2. Telling your new playmate she kisses like your sister

And the number one newbie mistake:

Explaining how you plan to tattoo all of your "conquests" on your impressive three inch weiner...

Spoomonkey