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Originally Posted by JnCC No, I don't. But to be honest, I don't think that swingers are any more or any less honest with their spouses than anybody else. They're more honest about their sexual needs, to be sure. But in other areas, they're about the same as non-swingers, as far as I can tell. If they were totally honest, there'd be a lot more divorces among them. |
I disagree.
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Originally Posted by JnCC I DO understand why cheating is such an anathema to swinging couples. As I stated in a previous post, when we did this as a couple, we avoided cheaters at all costs (unfortunately, one of the worst would-be offenders was the husband of a couple that was quite close to us). What I don't understand, is why people seem to go out of their way to insult and degrade them. If you don't want to play with them, just say so. You don't need to lecture them on their evil ways. They have "Dr. Phil" and "Dr. Laura" for that... |
Out of concern for them. It sucks to be told flat out that you're making a really big and stooopid mistake. Makes a person feel anything but warm and fuzzy. But we don't do it to be mean to them. We just have no qualms about letting them know that we can't respect such weakness of character. But it's pretty rare that we'll dish out something as harsh as that without also offering them some suggestions for turning their situation around. If it's too difficult for them to stand up and take responsibility for their actions and decisions, well whose the hell fault is that?? We just can't, in good conscience, bite our tongues and smile pretty at them. It feels irresponsible to to not correct someone when they're doing something - or about to do something - that is going to eventually hurt somebody. It's not about being holier-than-thou; we have high standards for ourselves, it's true, but we wholeheartedly invite others to raise their own standards for themselves. Low expectations and low standards are what stirs the divorce pot.
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Originally Posted by JnCC I think a little dishonesty in a marriage is a good thing. It's kind of like the oil in an engine that allows the moving parts to slide past one another, without actually touching. Maybe having an affair is like adding some sort of "relationship STP" to your engine...it gums up a healthy one, but lets you squeeze a few more miles out of one that's about to expire anyway. |
Yikes. I really
disagree with this. Start out honest, and stay honest, and you never need to lose sleep at night. Don't start nothin', won't be nothin'.