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Originally Posted by intuition897 I'm quite sure you can't say you know everything about everyone. Are you certain that they don't know what they're talking about?? |
No, I don't. But to be honest, I don't think that swingers are any more or any less honest with their spouses than anybody else. They're more honest about their
sexual needs, to be sure. But in other areas, they're about the same as non-swingers, as far as I can tell. If they were totally honest, there'd be a lot more divorces among them.
I
don't know what's going on with these guys who cheat. Maybe they're really good, caring husbands and fathers. Maybe they've searched heaven and earth, trying to get their wives interested in sex again. Maybe they're hard workers and good providers, totally honest with their wives about everything except where they're really at when they're supposed to be working late at the office.
Or maybe their wives are the glue that's holding their families together, and the guys are nothing but selfish, lower-than-whale-shit jerks and opportunists, risking it all for some cheap thrills.
I've known both kinds. I've also been in a stable, happy, "mostly" honest, non-cheating marriage. I know how much work it takes...and I know what the rewards are. I'm not insensitive to the issue. But when it comes to other peoples marriages, and why they do what they do, the only thing I know, is that I
don't know.
I DO understand why cheating is such an anathema to swinging couples. As I stated in a previous post, when we did this as a couple, we avoided cheaters at all costs (unfortunately, one of the worst would-be offenders was the husband of a couple that was quite close to us). What I don't understand, is why people seem to go out of their way to insult and degrade them. If you don't want to play with them, just say so. You don't need to lecture them on their evil ways. They have "Dr. Phil" and "Dr. Laura" for that...
I think a little dishonesty in a marriage is a good thing. It's kind of like the oil in an engine that allows the moving parts to slide past one another, without actually touching. Maybe having an affair is like adding some sort of "relationship STP" to your engine...it gums up a healthy one, but lets you squeeze a few more miles out of one that's about to expire anyway.