Quote:
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Originally Posted by VegasLee Mr. Bluesplyr,
You did not join the lifestyle. You joined the "cheaters of America" group. Swinging is about more then just the sex. It is about being honest with all concerned and staying in your marriage for merely the convenience is not being honest with Anyone involved.
Don't try to kid us even though your are kidding yourself. |
It's interesting to find out the side effects of this missconception of swinging as having sex without any moral concern, that usually bring up non swingers with this questions.
Spoomonkey referred to a couple of discussions about cheating, one of them from Uomo, and at the #70 post in
Uomo's Blowjob Hipotetical topic, Ginger Meadows gave us an example of the way this missconception is affecting her childrens custody in a court.
Besides the drama that may bring to others swingers to play with cheaters, this missconcption have broad consecuences in the way the lifestyle is perceived from the rest of the society on the grounds of a fixed morality, because of a supposedly lack of morality we swingers have.
In JustAskJulie's
What s swinging to you? several boadr members tried to state a definition for swinging (including the question of why is so important to define that), and again the cheating issue brings up as to point out what swinging is not.
One of the things that most called my attention in our beginings, when meeting the first swingers we ever saw, and having ourselves the same sort of prejudices, is the extremelly high moral standards most swingers have for themselves and for other people, and as for me, those moral standards are way more strict than the fixed one our society impose to married couples.
When we "ignore" the "sexual faithfull" standard coception to share our sexuality with other people, we know we face certain risks, ones that usually would geoperdize a marriage, thus we need to reinforce our marital contracts with other rules that engage us to pay attention to several aspects of ur relationship, some so subtle that aren't even mentioned in the social standard contract.
This means an extra effort we have make, and not as the price for being able to include third ones in our beds, instead that use to be a consecuence of being used to make such an effort before becoming swingers.
But this is, at last, an extra effort, we need to focus on it, we may need from time to time help to keep focused, we know that, so we also use to provide that help if requested or needed by others (for example, avoiding adding emotional stress in a sexual encounter with another marriage party), so we end up paying atention and taking care of everyone involved, and this leads to the needing of being honest, and for our honesty to be respected.
Swinging is a way to enhance our marriages, while cheating is a way that may lead to degrade it, and because of that we're so against the cheating whole idea. And by "our" marriagaes, I mean not only "my" marriage, also the couple sharing our bed's marriage.
The drama of being with cheaters doesn't come just from the eventual problem coming from the cheated one who may bring up, the drama may be private, and come just from endorsing something against the private extra rules we enforce for ourselves, because if we endorse them, why we wouldn't break them? Being with a cheater could lead to a drama inside our marriage, one the cheater won't even be aware of, and one a proper swinger will (or is supposed to) avoid to start.
If there is something that bring to surface here, is that "having sex with anyone without any moral concept" is something that use to happen but lacks a name on it own, and because of that it seems so hard for the lifestylers to point out this huge difference.
sereneiders
PS: Why not "cheaters of the world"? I am pretty sure that most swingers around the world share the same moral standards than the American ones
(joke, don't answer this one, please)