[mystic]

Umm. No, I emailed the toastmasters person from my area already earlier today. I also called the crisis center at my area to make an appointment to see a psychiatrist for some ssri's, because it's about time. Depression just makes doing more self-improvement a lot harder and for the first time in awhile, I cried several times today. I went to the gym to get it out of my system, but it's not really working.

I'm always thinking about what is said here and how I might apply it. If you didn't like my response, that is fine. When it comes to your response, if it was just a change in frame and all my problems could be fixed, I'd do it. What you're saying is like advanced stuff. I can understand if you don't really get me. You've never lived through it.

And no, I don't enjoy being a social outcast. That's a really stupid thing to say. I don't enjoy carrying this pain with me each and every day. That's the problem. It just feels like it's a lot and it burdens me down because the problems have become so massive. It's not a simple quick fix and voila! - laid and happy!

I don't think you're also used to voices in your head giving you negative thoughts all the time. I get confused because sometimes they are rational, sometimes they are not, sometimes they based on fact, and sometimes they are not, and sometimes they contradict ideas in my head and basically they just never shut up. So if someone has said something that would have helped a lot and I dismissed it, I blame the voices. Which is why I'll review everything that was said here after I wake up tomorrow.