The Swingers Board - View Single Post - What are the first few things that come to your mind when a guy has never had a gf?

sweetshyquiet · 01-21-2006, 09:14 PM

Mystic, I am just really impressed with you and your story and your courage, and I hope you will keep us posted.

My handle is a misnomer, because I'm sweet but not at all shy or quiet, so I have a hard time empathizing with your situation though I can intellectually understand it. Please take the following with that perspective:

In public, at a club or party, I don't think I would want to spend much time with someone who had never had a girlfriend and seemed to have a reduced set of social skills. The very nature of the interaction is time-sensitive: I'm here for just a couple of hours, to meet or play with people before we all have to go our separate ways. I am going to respond most favorably to others who can "make best use of that time," so to speak -- demonstrating personality and intellect with razor-sharp small talk, wit, etc.

Whereas, anyone that I meet through one of the lifestyle personals websites, I insist on written interaction up front, and there's an explicit understanding that it will be a few days at least before we're sitting down together in person. The nature of that interaction means there is time to carefully choose your words, put your very best foot forward, so on.

I guess my point is that you shouldn't stop your efforts to interact more in public. And I agree with the men who've said that you've got to get rejections under your belt --

but I also know, like you've said, that success is what builds the esteem. So, maybe you should consider a strategy of also trying to meet women via a venue where you can shine more with the skills you've already built. Have you investigated some of the personals sites like Match, True, e-Harmony, etc.?

It also seems like the rejections that will occur online (and they will occur! Even the most "high-value" guy or girl can get shot down because something just doesn't "click") might be easier on the ego. The stakes just aren't as high when someone says, "Thanks, but I don't think we'd be a good fit" via email, as opposed to in person.

Just some thoughts...

01-21-2006, 09:14 PM	#22 (permalink)
sweetshyquiet Active Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 24 Location: my navel Status: M. Female	Re: What are the first few things that come to your mind when a guy has never had a g Mystic, I am just really impressed with you and your story and your courage, and I hope you will keep us posted. My handle is a misnomer, because I'm sweet but not at all shy or quiet, so I have a hard time empathizing with your situation though I can intellectually understand it. Please take the following with that perspective: In public, at a club or party, I don't think I would want to spend much time with someone who had never had a girlfriend and seemed to have a reduced set of social skills. The very nature of the interaction is time-sensitive: I'm here for just a couple of hours, to meet or play with people before we all have to go our separate ways. I am going to respond most favorably to others who can "make best use of that time," so to speak -- demonstrating personality and intellect with razor-sharp small talk, wit, etc. Whereas, anyone that I meet through one of the lifestyle personals websites, I insist on written interaction up front, and there's an explicit understanding that it will be a few days at least before we're sitting down together in person. The nature of that interaction means there is time to carefully choose your words, put your very best foot forward, so on. I guess my point is that you shouldn't stop your efforts to interact more in public. And I agree with the men who've said that you've got to get rejections under your belt -- but I also know, like you've said, that success is what builds the esteem. So, maybe you should consider a strategy of also trying to meet women via a venue where you can shine more with the skills you've already built. Have you investigated some of the personals sites like Match, True, e-Harmony, etc.? It also seems like the rejections that will occur online (and they will occur! Even the most "high-value" guy or girl can get shot down because something just doesn't "click") might be easier on the ego. The stakes just aren't as high when someone says, "Thanks, but I don't think we'd be a good fit" via email, as opposed to in person. Just some thoughts... Last edited by sweetshyquiet : 01-21-2006 at 09:16 PM.