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Originally Posted by Alura I wouldn't worry about it, Mystic. Our sixteen-year-old gets hassled all the time because he hasn't had a girlfriend or even his first date yet. Pay no attention to those who don't pay your bills. Don't lie, either.
Alura |
I'm not so worried about it. But I never really dated much either. I don't think I've ever been on a date, and I honestly haven't been around a lot of women, although I'm trying now. I guess it just seems that at 25 years old, I should have done a lot of this but didn't. I have this really strong impression that people expect it too. I look back, and I can understand why I didn't.
In high school, this would have been an impossibility - even if I had the courage to approach girls, or even the just accept the ones that were interested in me (it did happen a few times), I would have never been able to hold the relationship anyway, living with an abusive famiy, living in a highly negative environment and having no ability to drive (being legally blind).
In university I found myself not knowing what to do. It was kind of too late. My dad died, so that was a great relief, but honestly, now that I had freedom to make my own choices and was considered to be an adult, I didn't know what to do with it. I was pretty overwhelmed. Everyone just seemed so much more experienced and different than I was. And I was kind of trapped. I was depressed. And I didn't have any options on how to fix my life. It's as if I thought I was stuck and couldn't change anything and nobody bothered to even tell me that the way I was living life was unhealthy or the way I was dealing with life could change. Of course, I had my school to keep my mind busy, so I buried myself in the books and played a lot of video games and read a lot to escape.
But even now I find things pretty exhausting. I mean, I don't have a social circle to meet people, so any friends or women that I hope to meet in the future will have to be complete strangers off the street, in the mall, on the bus, or whatever.
I try clubs and stuff, but I feel so uncomfortable in those places. I tend to zone out, get really anxious, feel compelled to leave, or just avoid them altogether. And they are so loud and play music that gives me a lot of negative feelings. It's hard to talk to anyone in there. And when I go to lean in to hear what people are saying, I get the vibe that I'm not supposed to do that or that I'm indicating too much interesting or something. Of course to me, it's just that I can hear them. But whatever. It seems like they have all of these social rules and things and I don't seem to understand them.
It's not really a big deal that I shouldn't lie. I just don't really enjoy the feelings I get by avoiding my past or people asking about it. I guess the only healthy way to get around it is to politely say you don't want to talk about it then... I guess that'll have to do then. Thank you.