The Swingers Board - View Single Post - What are the first few things that come to your mind when a guy has never had a gf?

mystic · 01-21-2006, 02:03 PM

I am making changes. From the people that do know, they say I'm a very different person already. It just takes a lot of time to build changes into your character permanently, and some things seem very much impossible to do no matter how many times I try to do them (being energetic at clubs, just being around lots of people for long periods of time, being overly social, smiling and being bubbly, having lots to of nonsense conversation to talk about, etc.)

But I'm much more assertive than before, I make eye contact a lot better, I take more social risks when I feel up to it, my mood is much overall better than before, I take excellent care of myself and I'm successful in other aspects of life (CEO of a profitably corporation I built, being an author, etc.).

I'm slowly working through my social anxiety. I've had some successful one-on-one conversations with strangers on the bus or at the mall. Not many, but a few. I've had more than a few that really didn't work out very well either. I know that doesn't sound like much to you guys, but I'm not that nervous anymore, which is a huge step and this stuff is hard for me.

I do find that even though I'm not that anxious, I still don't have a lot to say and I find the interaction is better if the other person takes the lead. If they don't, well, it usually ends pretty bad. I try to take the lead, but I think it's a combination of my lack of experience, skill and just my extremely introverted nature that makes it awkward for me.

I read a book that someone recommended to me on these forums called the Introvert Advantage this week and it pegs me extremely well. It gives some pretty strong evidence that that my brain is wired differently and I'm going to have to deal with a lot of these things my entire life, slowly getting better over the years. Basically I'm not going to be doing much trill-seeking and partying in my life, which I think is what most people find attractive.

The book was a fascinating help, but it was somewhat disturbing in that lots of the things I wanted to fix (mainly getting lots more extroverted qualities) seem like it's not going to happen. I guess I just have to work with what I've got.

01-21-2006, 02:03 PM	#7 (permalink)
mystic Here to Stay Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 33 Location: windsor, ontario Status: single male	Re: What are the first few things that come to your mind when a guy has never had a g I am making changes. From the people that do know, they say I'm a very different person already. It just takes a lot of time to build changes into your character permanently, and some things seem very much impossible to do no matter how many times I try to do them (being energetic at clubs, just being around lots of people for long periods of time, being overly social, smiling and being bubbly, having lots to of nonsense conversation to talk about, etc.) But I'm much more assertive than before, I make eye contact a lot better, I take more social risks when I feel up to it, my mood is much overall better than before, I take excellent care of myself and I'm successful in other aspects of life (CEO of a profitably corporation I built, being an author, etc.). I'm slowly working through my social anxiety. I've had some successful one-on-one conversations with strangers on the bus or at the mall. Not many, but a few. I've had more than a few that really didn't work out very well either. I know that doesn't sound like much to you guys, but I'm not that nervous anymore, which is a huge step and this stuff is hard for me. I do find that even though I'm not that anxious, I still don't have a lot to say and I find the interaction is better if the other person takes the lead. If they don't, well, it usually ends pretty bad. I try to take the lead, but I think it's a combination of my lack of experience, skill and just my extremely introverted nature that makes it awkward for me. I read a book that someone recommended to me on these forums called the Introvert Advantage this week and it pegs me extremely well. It gives some pretty strong evidence that that my brain is wired differently and I'm going to have to deal with a lot of these things my entire life, slowly getting better over the years. Basically I'm not going to be doing much trill-seeking and partying in my life, which I think is what most people find attractive. The book was a fascinating help, but it was somewhat disturbing in that lots of the things I wanted to fix (mainly getting lots more extroverted qualities) seem like it's not going to happen. I guess I just have to work with what I've got.