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Originally Posted by Sweet_Candy ...We make sure those we are going out with are not wasting our time with wanting to be friends only. For us that is "posing", wanting to be in the lifestyle but not wanting to do the lifestyle. We can read the profiles and tell if friends are what the other couple is looking for and we avoid those... |
"Posing" is a great word choice. We also avoid these people. You may think that sounds like we are therefore looking for cold, hard sex, and that's all, but it's far from it. We take great care in who we choose to meet and our ideal is to find a few couples we could enjoy a longterm swing relation with. Such people we hope would become our friends.
In the two years we've been swinging I have learned that swingers are as varied as non-swingers: you like some, adore some, and detest others. Some swingers tip-toe into swinging but seem hesitant to really indulge and those are the people we avoid; their profiles stress becoming good friends first, doing family outings, barbecues, etc. For these people getting to know you well before sex could mean many dates before even soft play begins, IF it happens at all. If this is what you want (but I don't think it is) they are out there. The more profiles you read the more adept you'll become at spotting these couples.
I feel most swingers understand that sex isn't expected on the first meet. You can make your wishes known in your profile. Let others understand in your profile how you see swinging as being satisfying to you. I've looked at your myspace page and I think you'd do a great job of communicating your desires in an ad profile. Focus on being approachable, fun, friendly...unless you're not any of these things.
Meeting in person, at a club, can be ideal because you get an instant take on people. Give it a try and see if you like the club scene. That environment isn't right for everyone; some people prefer more personal meetings in quieter places, one on one.
Experienced couples aren't necessarily patient, so don't make that presumption. Newbies can be clumsy and nervous but great fun to pair up with. Heck, you can both go in laughing at yourselves, if your sense of humor is a match, it's a great way to reduce nervousness.
Good luck and Welcome to the Board!
LM