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Originally Posted by Spoomonkey It is not a double standard...
It's called a "comfort zone".
We are definitely not a "good for the goose, good for the gander" couple. For us, we have to be on the same page to move forward. In other words, I am not going to ask her to do something she isn't comfortable with - and I am not going to do something that I am not comfortable with.
If you are only going to play with other women as a way to "coerce" him into a future MFM, then you are doing it for the wrong reasons. Swinging works best when it is something you are both really into - and not a tit for tat sort of arrangement. |
Perhaps my choice of cliches was improper in this sense.
I did not mean to convey that we are "tit for tat" in any way ... not at all. Just that neither hubby nor I would expect for our individual fantasies to be played out, while expecting the other to sacrifice their own fantasies for our individual pleasures.
The intent behind my post was merely that it is unacceptable, in our opinions, to enter into swinging without both partners being clearly on the same page as far as expectations are concerned. Coersion is never a good thing. Not what I was talking about. My intent was to advise the original poster that if they choose to get into swinging, they need to communicate each of their reasonings for their individual interests, talk about potential pitfalls, discuss their insecurities and find some type of agreement as to what are acceptable guidelines for them to have if they choose to enter into swinging.
Basically, I was saying that it is not fair to either of them, to enter into it at all if they cannot come to a cohesive agreement of some sort. She wants to play with men, he wants to watch her play with women. They are far from being on the same page, and therefore, too far away to actually make swinging a reality at this point.
Have many discussions people!!! This is not the sort of activity you fly into blind, hoping everything works itself out! You gotta be proactive.