[Thrax]

Originally Posted by EvilMJ

What do you like the least about yourself?

I'm still very self-conscious in a lot of situations. At least initially. I have learned to compensate for my shyness, but Meet & Greets or the first time at a new club, or showing up at a house party where I don't know too many people can be especially nerve-wracking for me. It's not quite paranoia, but it goes beyond what I think of as "first date nerves."

A lot of my self-consciousness, doctor , probably can be traced back to my poor self-image. I was healthy but scrawny, hit puberty VERY late in comparison to my peers, and to boot, I'm a "grower", not a "shower." Combine that with basic shyness, and...

However, once the ice has been broken, smashed into little pieces, and melted, I can become very comfortable in most social/sexual situations with friendly people. I just have the need to be accepted on some level by the person or group. When that happens, people usually pooh-pooh any thought that I was at first very worried about acceptance.

Yeah, I needed therapy. Still do.

What do you like the most about yourself?

My open-mindedness. I'm really a live and let live kind of guy. And I also like finding out about people, their cultures, religions, cuisines, etc. My international travel made me realize how very American I am, but opened my eyes very early to the good and bad aspects of the U.S., as well as the good and bad aspects of other countries. I don't agree with every person's belief system or traditions, but it helps to know something about our differences but also realize our similarities.

One of my current projects is to assure myself that Canadian women ARE warm-hearted, and warm in other ways!

Wow, you have gone a long time without marriage. (Not necessarily a bad thing). Is this a conscious decision that you made, or was it just the way things have worked out?

I think my social backwardness hurt me early on, but I had every (vague) intention of getting married at some point. My most recent relationship, the one I finally gave up on in 2000, was the closest I got. I had some other exclusive relationships with great women prior to that, but most of those each lasted several months to a year or so. I am a little bit of a loner, though, so it may be that I am just a tad difficult to live with. And now (even though I'm open-minded), I can be set in my ways. Practicing for retirement, I guess.

So, yeah, I think that's just how things worked out.

How have you found the experience of swinging as a single male? Difficult..fun?

Yes.

The two biggest difficulties were overcoming my personal barrier of introversion and fighting the "single male" stereotype. As problematic as it is for me initially, once I fight past that introductory stage at Meet & Greets, house parties, campouts, etc., I think I'm accepted for my restraint (that is not a BDSM reference), my manners, good grooming, and sparkling repartee. I guess my initial shyness keeps me from getting "grabby", at least at first , although as it was mentioned in the Myers Briggs personality thread, shy people can be perceived as arrogant and aloof, too.

And most swing experiences have truly been fun for me. And I mean that in a sense of sexual satisfaction, but also actually "fun". I found out very quickly what is often mentioned on this board, that swinging is about sex, but it's not SOLELY about sex. For me, and a lot of people here, there usually has to be that other hard-to-define connection in a swing encounter. I gravitate to individuals with a sense of humor, and frankly, I like sex to be mostly "fun", too. I prefer that folks laugh with me, rather than at me, of course.