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Originally Posted by pacpl4funn intuition897---- Did it look like his heart skipped a beat when you confronted him about it? Nostrils flared a bit, pupils dilated?
OMG ! He was so scared, he had that "oh shit, I'm dead" look And while I was ranting, my heart was literly pounding so hard I could hear it. I don't think in the 4 years we've been together that he has ever seen me so angry, hurt, shaken, etc. all at the same time, I was absolutly wigged out from head to toe! |
It won't stop him. I recognize the mentality he's displaying, and right now he's trying to do damage control. Applying bandaids and slapping on a coat of paint to cover the blood stains.
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Originally Posted by pacpl4funn He was panicking because I told him I msged that woman he was chatting to. And I did ! I never say I'm going to do something without doing it. Of course she was all dumb and stupid about it. But I am no fool. |
Why was he so concerned about your messaging the other woman? Did he have something to hide?
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Originally Posted by pacpl4funn And your right, the health of our relationship has been on me from the start of swinging, of course he'd say and do things that made it appear he too was looking out for us, but it was really him he was looking out for. He always has to have that control over everything while making it look like I have the final say. |
Damage control.
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Originally Posted by pacpl4funn But him! Nooooo, [swinging is] all he can think of. I told him I wanted time away, and he still had to push. well now I've pushed back. It may have taken me 3 years to do this, but I'm glad I did. I'm done giving in and getting less and less as time goes on.
His fascination with swinging needs to stop, or as I told him, "If you don't care about us, If you need it that bad? Then go get it without me!" Of course he says he doesn't want this without me. |
He'd probably like to go out and do this on his own, but if he's really getting off on the 'forbiddenness' of the adventure, it'll take something away from the experience to be 'allowed' to cheat. And the pushiness is just another indicator that he's not thinking of anyone's needs but his own. You're 100% right to push back. If you can't trust him to be considerate of your feelings and well-being, then you need to look out for yourself. It's not harsh or cold; it's a matter of self-respect.
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Originally Posted by pacpl4funn And right now, there is no room in my life for swinging, even if it was something I truly wanted. Granted I had some fun, not as much if I really wanted this, but I guess that's to be expected when your really doing this for someone else..... And should the day come that I do want it, it will be because I want it, and NOT to make him happy. And if never enters our life again, I know he will be sad, but it's not going to hurt me any. But if he can't deal with never having swinging again, then he needs to move on and find someone else. |
Well said. It sounds like you know yourself pretty well, and know what you want. And you're open-minded enough to admit that you can't say for certain how you'll feel about swinging in the future. It's never a good idea to swing to please your partner. You always seem to end up feeling like a prostitute somehow. That's just not the way it's supposed to be.
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Originally Posted by pacpl4funn I wish he would read the posts here, he might actually learn something, but instead he thinks this site is a joke and that no one knows what they are talking about.
In closing,
Thanks to everyone for all your support. |
A joke, eh? He figures he knows more about swinging that people who actually do it?? And has he actually read any posts here? Or posted a thread? If he
did post about his current dilemma, chances are he didn't like the responses he got back. VERY few board member condone cheating, and I don't think ANYone is going to give him a high-five for his self-centred approach to his marriage. So...maybe that explains his opinion of this site. I've, personally, never seen another site with a better atmosphere, swinger or otherwise. I've got a pretty short attention span when it comes to BS, but I've been an SB junkie for over a year now. Can't
imagine why he wouldn't like it... :rollseyes