The Swingers Board - View Single Post - Am I alone in thinking that "friends first" doesn't make sense?

deadparrot911 · 01-04-2006, 01:17 PM

Ok so i have finished reading a great post by Uomo....but one question keeps coming up....am i alone in this thought. This is the one part that i keep heating over and over friends first. So i'm gonna cut and paste the part from his post about it and what i feel under that. Just curious if any feel the same as i do.

Uomo wrote....
Before anybody is going to consider you for anything intimate, they have to like you as a person. Now I could be wrong on this (and I am certain exceptions exist) … but the first thing most swinging couples want to know is: Do I like you? If I do … then maybe something will come of it. Or maybe it won’t. But if you go into it with the attitude (and intention of) shacking up with the guy’s wife … they will see right through you … and it will never happen. You have to be genuine. I don’t mean genuine as a “tactic for scoring.” I mean genuinely genuine. That’s why I think “Friends with Benefits” is spot on. You have to be “Friends” first.

my reply....
I wonder how many swingers take this view or if maybe i just don't belong here. I share most of the ideas from the original post except for this part. I always hear separate sex from love with swinging...and that's how i feel. Now do not get me wrong just because i want to play with you does not mean we cannot have idle chit chat....but to me a friend is someone who is always there....i love my friends. It is possible that maybe i don't use the term friend as lightly as most...if u are my friend i will go to hell and back for you. I don't have sex with friends because there is only one person who gets the complete friendship/love/sex package and that is my husband. So basically if i have sex with you its just that sex...doesn't mean i don't like you...and i will never lead anyone to believe that its anything other than that. For me honesty is always the best policy even if it is sometimes a little harsh. To me being good friends and having sex is a nono. Maybe my term for "friends with benefits" should be "acquaintance with benefits".

So am i really alone in this line of thinking?

01-04-2006, 01:17 PM	#1 (permalink)
deadparrot911 Active Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 19 Location: henderson	Am I alone in thinking that "friends first" doesn't make sense? Ok so i have finished reading a great post by Uomo....but one question keeps coming up....am i alone in this thought. This is the one part that i keep heating over and over friends first. So i'm gonna cut and paste the part from his post about it and what i feel under that. Just curious if any feel the same as i do. Uomo wrote.... Before anybody is going to consider you for anything intimate, they have to like you as a person. Now I could be wrong on this (and I am certain exceptions exist) … but the first thing most swinging couples want to know is: Do I like you? If I do … then maybe something will come of it. Or maybe it won’t. But if you go into it with the attitude (and intention of) shacking up with the guy’s wife … they will see right through you … and it will never happen. You have to be genuine. I don’t mean genuine as a “tactic for scoring.” I mean genuinely genuine. That’s why I think “Friends with Benefits” is spot on. You have to be “Friends” first. my reply.... I wonder how many swingers take this view or if maybe i just don't belong here. I share most of the ideas from the original post except for this part. I always hear separate sex from love with swinging...and that's how i feel. Now do not get me wrong just because i want to play with you does not mean we cannot have idle chit chat....but to me a friend is someone who is always there....i love my friends. It is possible that maybe i don't use the term friend as lightly as most...if u are my friend i will go to hell and back for you. I don't have sex with friends because there is only one person who gets the complete friendship/love/sex package and that is my husband. So basically if i have sex with you its just that sex...doesn't mean i don't like you...and i will never lead anyone to believe that its anything other than that. For me honesty is always the best policy even if it is sometimes a little harsh. To me being good friends and having sex is a nono. Maybe my term for "friends with benefits" should be "acquaintance with benefits". So am i really alone in this line of thinking? Last edited by deadparrot911 : 01-04-2006 at 05:18 PM.