[pacpl4funn]

Hello and Happy Belated Holidays,

Thought I should write an update,

As most who have read my past posts, I entered swinging because my husband wanted this, badly. He felt he I should give him a 3sum because I did it once along time ago, so I gave in, he wanted to have ppl watch us, I gave in, he wanted more 3sums, I did it, the moment I had fun, he freaked, he wanted clubs so we went, he wanted couples, so we did and he broke his own rules, he wanted to see me with another woman, I tried it. Granted I've had some fun, not a whole lot, just enough to keep me interested. But our relationship needs a vacation from this.

The more I gave, the less I got, his sex drive for me has been going down hill for about 2 years. We talked and thought it was a form of malemenopause, but then he started saying how we both could use to loose some weight, so a bell went off in my head, maybe I'm not attractive to him cause I might have put on 10 -15 pounds since we've been together, his long ago comments about how his x got fat and he didn't want her began playing over n over in my head.

I told him straight out that for Christmas I wanted a normal life again and that if he doesn't have the desire for me in the bedroom that I will not sacrifice what little sex we still have, so basicly if nothing is happening in our bedroom, then nothing is happening in swinging. period.

Then the other night I was in the mood, he said he was a "little", but then he fell alseep, about an hour later, he woke up and was all over me, I was like , where the hell did this come from? I even asked him what changed your mind, he said , he didn't know. Something got him worked up, but it wasn't me.

Then I went last night and snooped around on his computer, to only see that he's still emailing solo women for 3sums, and couples for swapping, and even sending out msges on yahoo groups to try and hook us up, AFTER I tell him I want a break away from this........ and then I saw his off line msges to some woman, saying how between her boobs and mine, what a way to go.... etc. etc. well that was the last straw, I blew a gasket, went into the bedroom, woke his sorry ass up, gave him a good "what for" and said if he doesn't want me anymore, that if I'm not the woman of his dreams, that if EVERYTHING I give him isn't good enough anymore, to take his pay check and move the f*** out.

Surfice to say, he woke up very quick, full of reasons & excuses, "I only sent those emails cause I knew nothing would come of it, you know everyone is fake" ..."and I only talked to that woman once in 3 months and that was to see how she was doing and if she needed me to update her webpage" , "and if you don't want swinging anymore, just delete the accounts and get someones address to send that free club admission to..." Goes into telling me that he loves me, doesn't want anyone else, that he doesn't have the "drive" that he once had, but that I'm the only woman for him, yatta yatta yatta.

Now I feel like the "bad guy" cause I'm putting my foot down, but he's damn lucky it's not up his ass right now.

Not sure if I over re-acted, but there isn't enough sheet shaken going on between us lately, let alone overall attention (says he wants to kiss n cuddle, etc, but that he doesn't want me to think it's going to lead to more, so he keeps his distance) So I get hardly any physical attention, let alone sex. And what little there is, I'm not sharing it.

I don't really expect any replies, I just needed a safe place to vent.
I didn't delete our swinger accounts, I just put us on "away" because I know I need to regroup and he needs to concentrait more on us.

Phew ! I feel better for getting this off my chest.
thanks.