The Swingers Board - View Single Post - Wife sending me mixed messages - I don't understand how women are programmed

intuition897 · 12-30-2005, 08:38 AM

Roni, thank you for posting about your experience! I know many can relate to it, and just as many will find your insights invaluable. I'm one of those who can definitely relate!

Roni is right; don't confront. Just keep the topic alive in subtle, non-threatening ways. Find ways to simply let her know that her sexuality is totally sexy. That you LOVE that she gets aroused...period! That you are not threatened by any other man's ability to arouse her sexual interest. That you love her for more than just her physical attributes (for more than her ability to give you sex).

Initially (and I count myself among this number), women see the suggestion of swinging as their husbands taking something away from their sexual power. She feels that he wants her to give up control of her body, so that he can have authority over who has access to her. This gives a woman the sense that she is loved about as much as a sex toy that a man might use to jerk off with. She feels she has become an object to be passed around and manipulated...degraded even...for his pleasure. And she feels that if her pleasure is supposed to be important, it is only important because that's what gets him off, not because it pleases her.

This is the way women see this initially. What they don't see is that it's very much the opposite. Swinging is not something that was ever intended to belittle, disempower or degrade them. If it does so, it is in their own minds. That was perhaps the most shocking discovery I made: all the supposed injuries I suffered were of my own making. Mr. intuition897 never had any of the evil intentions I imagined. Not once. I was a victim because I told myself I was.

So how do I see things now? Now I see that he wasn't trying to take something away from me, but he was offering me a very precious gift. He was actually giving me back my sexuality to do with as I pleased, instead of hoarding it to himself as we are all told we are supposed to do when we marry. I suddenly had the right to become aroused by others if I wanted to. He was VERY okay with that! And this wasn't all about his pleasure, just because he came up with the idea. He really did want to see me living a happy and fulfilled life, and this was the motivation behind the suggestion. Not a selfish desire or a fetish. Okay, okay, so he enjoys it for himself too, but it really is 50/50. It is a completely equal partnership. I only wish it hadn't taken me so long to realize that.

I just love my hubby!

12-30-2005, 08:38 AM	#10 (permalink)
intuition897 Canadian, eh? Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 2,613 Location: Kingston, ON Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:intuition897	Re: How are woman programmed? Roni, thank you for posting about your experience! I know many can relate to it, and just as many will find your insights invaluable. I'm one of those who can definitely relate! Roni is right; don't confront. Just keep the topic alive in subtle, non-threatening ways. Find ways to simply let her know that her sexuality is totally sexy. That you LOVE that she gets aroused...period! That you are not threatened by any other man's ability to arouse her sexual interest. That you love her for more than just her physical attributes (for more than her ability to give you sex). Initially (and I count myself among this number), women see the suggestion of swinging as their husbands taking something away from their sexual power. She feels that he wants her to give up control of her body, so that he can have authority over who has access to her. This gives a woman the sense that she is loved about as much as a sex toy that a man might use to jerk off with. She feels she has become an object to be passed around and manipulated...degraded even...for his pleasure. And she feels that if her pleasure is supposed to be important, it is only important because that's what gets him off, not because it pleases her. This is the way women see this initially. What they don't see is that it's very much the opposite. Swinging is not something that was ever intended to belittle, disempower or degrade them. If it does so, it is in their own minds. That was perhaps the most shocking discovery I made: all the supposed injuries I suffered were of my own making. Mr. intuition897 never had any of the evil intentions I imagined. Not once. I was a victim because I told myself I was. So how do I see things now? Now I see that he wasn't trying to take something away from me, but he was offering me a very precious gift. He was actually giving me back my sexuality to do with as I pleased, instead of hoarding it to himself as we are all told we are supposed to do when we marry. I suddenly had the right to become aroused by others if I wanted to. He was VERY okay with that! And this wasn't all about his pleasure, just because he came up with the idea. He really did want to see me living a happy and fulfilled life, and this was the motivation behind the suggestion. Not a selfish desire or a fetish. Okay, okay, so he enjoys it for himself too, but it really is 50/50. It is a completely equal partnership. I only wish it hadn't taken me so long to realize that. I just love my hubby! __________________ Fear is a symptom of ignorance. Knowledge is the cure.