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Thrax · 12-29-2005, 07:09 PM

The above posts have great information. I highly recommend exploring a lot of forums and threads on this board to familiarize yourself with the landscape.

Here are few tips for your first club visit:
* First, treat your visit to the club as if you were attending a non-swinging (vanilla) party, or as if you have a blind date. You are a single male, you don't know anyone, and you want to make a good impression and have a good time. Do your pre-party "manscaping" (shave or neatly trim facial hair, get rid of the stray nose and ear hairs, trim the finger and toe nails [and no dirt under the nails], shower or bathe to an acceptable level, etc.). Women place GREAT store in these details. Believe me!

Dress reasonably well: a nice shirt, nice slacks, nice (polished if they're leather) shoes, etc. It's better to be a little overdressed than underdressed if you want to impress. Don't overdo the cologne or the jewelry.
* The owner(s) or someone else affiliated with the club will usually lay down the law for the single male and give you a tour of the club. If you have questions, ask. Before you start the tour, ask your guide if he or she will introduce you to anyone you may encounter during the tour. The guides often do, but if he or she doesn't, and they have a brief conversation with someone while you tour, wait 'til it's done and then introduce yourself and tell them your name and that so-and-so is giving you the tour because it's your first time there. Introduce yourself to both males and females. You never know when you might be shaking the hand of a guy who could point you out to his wife or girlfriend later on.
* Be aware that as a single male that many couples and single females at the club will be at least wary of you. Be charming and disarming. A small group of couples and SFs will be downright nasty, no matter how nice you are, just like in real life. Most often they won't want anything to do with you and will let you know it. Let them stew in their own juices. There are nicer folks out there.
* If you don't know anyone at the club, probably the best place to park yourself initially IS at the bar. But don't just sit there. Engage the person (male or female) on either side of you, or the bartender (if he or she can spare the time) in conversation. Tell them you're a newbie and have one or two basic questions to ask to get the conversational ball rolling. Just like vanilla bars, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Go with the flow.
* If there is dancing, consider dancing. No matter how bad a guy dances, women very often prefer to dance with a guy (as long as you don't injure her with your size 13s) rather than dancing in an all-girl circle (Okay, this is the swinging world, so there might be a large minority of women who really want to dance with other women). A guy dancing shows some guts; some guys are afraid of looking "silly," but if you are looking silly for her, it might pay off. If you are getting along with some single women or couples at the bar, you might want to ask one of those women to dance. If you see a gaggle of women in an area -- especially near the dance floor -- watching the goings-on, try to get up the nerve to introduce yourself there and ask if anyone wants to dance. Yeah, just like high school.
* If you engage in conversation with a couple, engage in conversation with BOTH of them. If you end up playing with a couple, or with a wife/gf, it will be because BOTH of them think you're okay.
* When engaging in first conversations with ANY woman at the club, act as if it's a vanilla encounter. DON'T stare at her boobs, ass, etc. Compliment her outfit, hair, etc., without drooling. DON'T touch her first. You'll know she's at least interested in considering your company if she touches your arm, laughs a little too hard at your jokes, looks directly into your eyes, etc. Just like the vanilla world. If she invites you to dance, hit the hot tub, etc., then you've probably got it made.

* If nothing is working at the bar, be careful about how you conduct yourself in other parts of the club. Standing near the dance floor is usually okay (I'm talking about those clubs that allow you to roam most of the premises). If there is a hot tub, sitting in the hot tub alone and watching the other folks usually creeps people out. If you're just going to sit and stare and hope, then forget it. If there is a big shower area, use discretion. If there is a group room, watching for a short time is usually okay. Sometimes I've been invited and most times not. Conversation with other group-room bystanders is usually okay. Whacking off while watching the action will probably subject you to ridicule (most often behind your back but sometimes to your face. Luckily, since I don't beat off in the group room, this has not, to my knowledge, happened to me). Don't play in the group room 1) unless you are invited, or 2) you ask and get permission. As a first-timer, I'd be VERY careful here.
* If a couple (or the rare SF) decides they are interested in you, just be upfront and tell them you are new to swinging and that THEY should take the lead. Believe me, experienced swingers will know your worries -- they were newbies once too -- and how to deal with them (actually, there are a few people out there that delight in breaking in newbies; wish there were more of them around. I'd be the perpetual n00b!). If they are interested in you, they'll want to make sure everyone is comfortable with the situation and has a good time.
* No means No. (It can be disappointing, or even devastating to your self-esteem, but those are the rules. No whining.) Just move on.
* ALWAYS carry a few condoms with you. DO NOT HAVE INTERCOURSE WITHOUT WEARING A CONDOM. Well, I warned you, but that's up to you and whomever you might play with. Oral sex is a gray area, but most people -- by my experience in the lifestyle at least -- don't use condoms or dental dams for oral. Make sure you know what's going on with that and be prepared...
* Finally, respect yourself, and RESPECT EVERYONE YOU MEET AT THE CLUB. Actually, this is true for real life, but sometimes in our quest for the ultimate orgasm, that can fall to the wayside.

I know there are probably many things I failed to address here, but if you go to the club with an open mind, no expectations, and full respect of the people you will encounter, you should be okay. You might even get lucky (I did -- twice -- the first time I went to a club).

Best of luck!
Thrax

12-29-2005, 07:09 PM	#7 (permalink)
Thrax Celebrate perversity Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 1,414 Location: Pittsburgh Status: Single Male Swing Lifestyle Name:Thrax	Re: Question from Newbie The above posts have great information. I highly recommend exploring a lot of forums and threads on this board to familiarize yourself with the landscape. Here are few tips for your first club visit: * First, treat your visit to the club as if you were attending a non-swinging (vanilla) party, or as if you have a blind date. You are a single male, you don't know anyone, and you want to make a good impression and have a good time. Do your pre-party "manscaping" (shave or neatly trim facial hair, get rid of the stray nose and ear hairs, trim the finger and toe nails [and no dirt under the nails], shower or bathe to an acceptable level, etc.). Women place GREAT store in these details. Believe me! Dress reasonably well: a nice shirt, nice slacks, nice (polished if they're leather) shoes, etc. It's better to be a little overdressed than underdressed if you want to impress. Don't overdo the cologne or the jewelry. * The owner(s) or someone else affiliated with the club will usually lay down the law for the single male and give you a tour of the club. If you have questions, ask. Before you start the tour, ask your guide if he or she will introduce you to anyone you may encounter during the tour. The guides often do, but if he or she doesn't, and they have a brief conversation with someone while you tour, wait 'til it's done and then introduce yourself and tell them your name and that so-and-so is giving you the tour because it's your first time there. Introduce yourself to both males and females. You never know when you might be shaking the hand of a guy who could point you out to his wife or girlfriend later on. * Be aware that as a single male that many couples and single females at the club will be at least wary of you. Be charming and disarming. A small group of couples and SFs will be downright nasty, no matter how nice you are, just like in real life. Most often they won't want anything to do with you and will let you know it. Let them stew in their own juices. There are nicer folks out there. * If you don't know anyone at the club, probably the best place to park yourself initially IS at the bar. But don't just sit there. Engage the person (male or female) on either side of you, or the bartender (if he or she can spare the time) in conversation. Tell them you're a newbie and have one or two basic questions to ask to get the conversational ball rolling. Just like vanilla bars, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Go with the flow. * If there is dancing, consider dancing. No matter how bad a guy dances, women very often prefer to dance with a guy (as long as you don't injure her with your size 13s) rather than dancing in an all-girl circle (Okay, this is the swinging world, so there might be a large minority of women who really want to dance with other women). A guy dancing shows some guts; some guys are afraid of looking "silly," but if you are looking silly for her, it might pay off. If you are getting along with some single women or couples at the bar, you might want to ask one of those women to dance. If you see a gaggle of women in an area -- especially near the dance floor -- watching the goings-on, try to get up the nerve to introduce yourself there and ask if anyone wants to dance. Yeah, just like high school. * If you engage in conversation with a couple, engage in conversation with BOTH of them. If you end up playing with a couple, or with a wife/gf, it will be because BOTH of them think you're okay. * When engaging in first conversations with ANY woman at the club, act as if it's a vanilla encounter. DON'T stare at her boobs, ass, etc. Compliment her outfit, hair, etc., without drooling. DON'T touch her first. You'll know she's at least interested in considering your company if she touches your arm, laughs a little too hard at your jokes, looks directly into your eyes, etc. Just like the vanilla world. If she invites you to dance, hit the hot tub, etc., then you've probably got it made. * If nothing is working at the bar, be careful about how you conduct yourself in other parts of the club. Standing near the dance floor is usually okay (I'm talking about those clubs that allow you to roam most of the premises). If there is a hot tub, sitting in the hot tub alone and watching the other folks usually creeps people out. If you're just going to sit and stare and hope, then forget it. If there is a big shower area, use discretion. If there is a group room, watching for a short time is usually okay. Sometimes I've been invited and most times not. Conversation with other group-room bystanders is usually okay. Whacking off while watching the action will probably subject you to ridicule (most often behind your back but sometimes to your face. Luckily, since I don't beat off in the group room, this has not, to my knowledge, happened to me). Don't play in the group room 1) unless you are invited, or 2) you ask and get permission. As a first-timer, I'd be VERY careful here. * If a couple (or the rare SF) decides they are interested in you, just be upfront and tell them you are new to swinging and that THEY should take the lead. Believe me, experienced swingers will know your worries -- they were newbies once too -- and how to deal with them (actually, there are a few people out there that delight in breaking in newbies; wish there were more of them around. I'd be the perpetual n00b!). If they are interested in you, they'll want to make sure everyone is comfortable with the situation and has a good time. * No means No. (It can be disappointing, or even devastating to your self-esteem, but those are the rules. No whining.) Just move on. * ALWAYS carry a few condoms with you. DO NOT HAVE INTERCOURSE WITHOUT WEARING A CONDOM. Well, I warned you, but that's up to you and whomever you might play with. Oral sex is a gray area, but most people -- by my experience in the lifestyle at least -- don't use condoms or dental dams for oral. Make sure you know what's going on with that and be prepared... * Finally, respect yourself, and RESPECT EVERYONE YOU MEET AT THE CLUB. Actually, this is true for real life, but sometimes in our quest for the ultimate orgasm, that can fall to the wayside. I know there are probably many things I failed to address here, but if you go to the club with an open mind, no expectations, and full respect of the people you will encounter, you should be okay. You might even get lucky (I did -- twice -- the first time I went to a club). Best of luck! Thrax __________________ You get what you play for.