 Re: New development, am I overreacting?
I agree with what Chicup has said.
Just because it was "casual" for you (and your wife), doesn't mean the nanny perceived it as such, and considering she approached you later about the possibility of making the fantasies reality, that screams that she considered it to be much more than casual.
As she has been with your family for over 2 years, and has become almost "one of the family" herself, perhaps she might be able to move on and kind of forget this ever happened. Personally, I think the thoughts will linger in her mind for a very long time, and things just might not ever be the same as before.
You really have to tread very lightly when it comes to employee/employer relationships. There are just far to many possible ramifications from making that type of relationship too personal.
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