[Jester]

I personally feel you don't "persuade" your spouse to do this. That tends to take on the sound of manipulation and if a partner is coerced into the lifestyle it is a recipe for disaster. The guilt and resentment will generally tear a marriage apart. It really has to be something a couple does as a couple for the benefit of the couple. To be successful it really needs to be a willing choice by both partners. So having said that, let's hope I don't trip stepping off the soapbox....

In your first post you said when you mention swinging to your wife it is met with a resounding NO. That right there is a very clear answer that she isn't interested. Have you asked why? First you have to explore why her answer is no. Don't counter her reasons or try to persuade her why she should think differently, just hear her out. Establish a line of communication that is with out judgment or confrontation. Also, be prepared for her to ask you why you are interested in this. Is that something you have fully thought about for yourself? Your reasons for wanting this? You might find out her no is because of her fears about your motives. I say that because in your posts I get a sense of I want this for me, how do I get her to agree. It may not be the case, but that is how I perceive it.

Now you talk about how you kiss her friends, go to strip clubs and she points woman out to you and so on. So she lets you have a little safe flirty fun. That may be all she is willing to do and you might have to accept that. Does she do the same with your friends or other guy's or woman?

You friends may not be swingers, they just may be a fun loving couple that flirts around for the entertainment of it. We have a set of vanilla friends where the woman is jokingly referred to as my 2nd wife because we are so close. Yes we have gone on vacations together, gotten naked in the hot tub, danced very closely and kiss on the lips and all. The 4 of us have really good times together and all, but that is it. From what I have seen, it is not unusual for vanilla couples to have that kind of friendship with other couples so don't assume because they go so far, they want to go all the way. Be careful there if you really like the friendship.

While being spontaneous can be hot and fun, I don't think getting drunk one night and doing this because it happens is the way to go. To many emotions to sort out after the fact. Don't fantasize that well if I get her to try she will really be into it. That may happen in the movies, but real life is very different. The reactions and emotions are not scripted, they are very unpredictable and should considered before it happens not after.