[Mrs Spoomonkey]

Part of the problem beside the communication aspect or maybe as part of it seems to me to be the difference between a threesome, FMF, and a poly relationship.

It sounds like you are really into the thought of this being a poly relationship but no one else is. From what I understand of poly relationships it is something that all involved want and agree to. There are usually rules or agreements as to what kind of freedom everyone has and how the logistics of the husband going out with his wife or the other woman will work. You don't mention that any conversation like this between the three of you has occured. If that is the case she is a single female that has her own life and occasionally plays with a couple (you two). Anything outside of that is basically her business unless it is something that directly affects the two of you (i.e. going bareback with someone else).

I would suggest backing off and just relax about the relationship. Let her be comfortable to come to you and talk if she doesn't then just let it go and enjoy the threesome when you all get together.

Mrs Spoomonkey