There are definite disadvantages to playing as a single, male or female. But the single females are at a distinct disadvantage when it comes to safety. The truth is, that couple you met at the (very public) restaurant who seemed so nice and real and sane could behave
very differently behind closed doors! There's just no guarantee. I liked the suggestion to try on-premises clubs until you get more comfortable with the social interaction of swinging. With practice, it becomes pretty easy to see the freaks coming a mile away; don't put yourself at risk until you can do this. On-premises clubs (although we've never been to them ourselves) apparently have really good security. Jackasses who don't comprehend 'no-means-no' are out on their ear before they know what hits them!
I think it takes a special personality to successfully swing as a single female. The kind of single female we'd look for would have the following qualities:
1) Very grounded and real. Zero drama.
2) She should know why she's doing this, and should be happy being a single woman.
3) She needs to respect herself as well as us and our relationship. Honesty and integrity are very important here as well.
4) Assertive and tactfully blunt. We prefer hanging out with people (regardless of marital status) who are confident, comfortable, and practiced at politely and firmly saying, "No thanks.
" This kinda goes with the respect thing.
5) Sense of humour. Wit, charm, poise, intelligence... In a word, class.
For us, we look at the person first; marital status doesn't matter (unless you're cheating, but we won't get into that...). We look for the same qualities in couples and singles equally. The only difference is that couples come in a two-pack. Now...it must be said that we have yet to swing with a single (male or female) because we haven't found the right ones yet, but in theory this is our philosophy.