If there is one single factor in this lifestyle that is the most important it is communication. Only through communication can you develop the trust needed to feel completely comfortable with this decision. You simply have to talk to people. You obviously know this as you've joined this forum. It's a great step in your chosen direction.
It's perfectly natural to be nervous or hesitant when first getting into this lifestyle. You are definitely in the minority, as you quickly discovered, and there's no shortage of men who would love to "show you the ropes." The problem is, some of them might want to actually use real ropes, if you catch my drift. You're very wise to be cautious.
My suggestion for you is to keep in contact with that couple you've already talked to over the phone. Arrange a meeting in a neutral public spot like a coffee shop and discuss things further. You already know that you have a million questions, and finding a couple who are willing to sit down and talk to you about them is a great first step. Just by talking to them as you have already done has gotten you one foot in the door, so to speak. Follow up with them if they seem like a nice couple. You are under NO obligation to jump into bed with them just by talking to them. If they're genuine, they'll already know this and view the meeting as a great opportunity to meet a potential new friend. That's the first step to developing the trust I mentioned earlier. We meet every new couple in this manner, and we've never had a bad experience. Sure, we've been disappointed a few times, but that happens in any social situation. Don't be hesitant to meet in public. People ask us all the time about that. They're worried that someone they know will see them. My answer is, so what? It's not like you're going to jump up and declare before God and everyone that you're meeting a couple to possibly have sex with. You're meeting friends for coffee. I'll tell you now that your first conversations will probably be pretty innocent at first anyway - occupations, family background, stuff like that.
Obviously nobody can be attracted to everyone, but going to a party is a good way to meet people of a like mind. You'll like some of the other guests, and maybe not some of the others, just as in any other social setting. We didn't participate at our first party 4 years ago because we were basically scared spitless, but none of the other guests had a problem with that - they had all had a first time too. We spent the evening socializing and just getting to know folks. Needless to say we relaxed quite a bit by the end of the evening, and the hosts of that party have become very close friends in every sense of the word. I'd suggest you try the same, and if the group is worth their salt, they'll understand your concerns and wishes and support you. Remember that they don't know you either, so they're probably just as nervous as you are. If they don't support your decision not participate, you now know a group to stay away from. You just don't need them. Unwanted pressure is simply unacceptable, and you're perfectly within your rights to leave if you feel uncomfortable in any way. Talking and building the trust before attending the party is the only way to make sure you won't find yourself in that situation to begin with. Again, meet them first in a public, neutral place and discuss things. If something doesn't feel right, or if they seem a bit put off by your concerns, politely decline the party invitations and meet another couple.
Trust isn't formed overnight. You have to get to know people, and the only way to do that is to be around them. I wouldn't restrict myself to one group or couple in the early stages - before you play, that is. You know how it goes: hanging with only one crowd limits your experiences. Meet people. Circulate. Socialize. If you like one particular group, socialize with them. If you don't particularly like a group or couple, don't socialize with them. I know it's a cliche, but no really does mean no, and if anyone can't accept that, it's their problem, NOT yours.
You live in a major metropolitan area, so I know there are probably dozens of friendly couples in your area who would love to talk to you. There are several online sites, like swinglifestyle.com and adultfriendfinder.com that have search functions that will let you look for people in your area. You can usually do a couple of searches without having to register, and get a feel for the people who are out there in your area. Look over a few profiles and see what's out there. E-mails and chatting can and does often lead to meetings, although they don't have to if you wish. You can follow your instincts from there. Go slowly and cautiously, but do go. Getting to know people is the only way to decide whether or not you're interested in pursuing things further. Remember - if it feels funny or uncomfortable, it's probably not for you. Only you can decide what you're comfortable with.
We're a married couple that is a little over 1000 miles away from you, so we're probably one of the safest couples you'll ever correspond with. If you, or anyone else for that matter, would like to e-mail any questions you may have about the lifestyle or meeting people in any way, feel free to do so at
mrklin123@yahoo.com. We'll be honest and forthright, and I guarantee we will not pressure you in any way, nor will we try to "hook you up" with people. If you'd rather not e-mail us, that's fine too. You're the only one who truly knows what you're looking for, and there's no sense in putting up with people you're not really interested in meeting - I understand that. If you choose to e-mail us, we will answer your questions as honestly as we can, even if that answer is, "I don't know." Remember that communication is the key, and it will open the door to unlimited possibilities. This is, after all, all about having fun.
Sorry for the length of this post, but this is a fascinating subject, and one we obviously feel very passionate about. We're all about respect and having fun, so helping anyone new to this is fun for us too. Good luck with whatever you decide, and remember you're the one in charge of your desires. If anyone has a problem with any of those desires, I submit it's simply that - their problem.