[JnCC]

Originally Posted by rugbyjuggalette

I joined on on-line group on Yahoo, and I posted that I was new to the group. I instantly was flooded with messages of two things: 1) people who wanted to arrange a party for me and 2) people who want me to invite to a party. I must say, I was surprised by the response.

Don't be. There are MANY different qualities that factor into whether a woman is attractive to a man or not. Of these, availability is the one that she has the most immediate control over. Being available to men generally makes a woman attractive to them, and nothing says "available" to the world quite like signing up on an adult website.

(A woman once told me that signing up on an adult website made her feel desireable again, "as if [she had] lost 20 years and 50 pounds." Stuffing money into strippers G-strings has a similar effect on balding, middle-aged men)

Can I do this as a single female? I obviously don't mean that its hard for me to find people that are willing for me to join, but it's hard to feel comfortable.

Swinging is essentially a couples activity. As a single of either sex, your role is much like that of a silent partner in business...you're there to serve them and provide support for their relationship without actually becoming a part of it. It's a very fine line to tread...one that most singles don't do very well at for very long. Most of the people I've known who were single upon entering the lifestyle soon paired-up with somebody, although none of those pairings had enough "tooth" to survive once swinging was removed from the equasion.

How do I make sure I'm safe? How do I know that no will mean no?

In short, I don't think you can. The advice offered in a previous post, that is, to start with an off-premise party or mixer, was good. I would also suggest trying to make the acquaintenceship of an experienced couple beforehand, to see you to and from the party, and to hang out with while there. They can probably steer you away from the known wolves and losers who always seem to show up at those things as well.

I don't have a husband or boyfriend to watch out for me, so what situations can be okay?

See the above.

about the guys that want to arrange a party for me-- can they be trusted? Some of them seem like they want to be like a "pimp"-- they'll arrange everything, but only if I definitely sleep with them.

They're definitely not pimps. A pimp's main job is to protect his whores and to make sure they get paid...boffing them is a fringe benefit. These guys sound more like "John's," and cheap ones at that. If your self-esteem is so low or your need for sex so great that you're seriously considering letting these guys plan a "party" for you, all I can say is "Girl, yo' needs a pimp"

DO remember that an invitation to a sex party is NOT the same thing as an invitation to go on a "date" It's about sex, plain and simple. Don't expect "hearts and flowers," phone calls to cheer you up when you're feeling down, or any of the accoutremonts of "romance." It's skin-on-skin, baby, with perhaps enough cordiality thrown in to cement the deal. Don't bore them with the details of your life. If they wanted to know anything about you as a person, they'd be inviting you to "dinner and a movie," not a sex party.

Something else to consider is that the most likely reason a guy asks a woman to a sex club on a first date is because he's hoping to fuck somebody else, and he's counting on you to help him realize that goal. Once that happens, you become redundant, and any objection you voice becomes a liability to him. That may be acceptable to you (after all, you're probably hoping to "upgrade" too). Just be aware that couples who use each other as "tickets" in the lifestyle are usually time-bombs waiting to go off, especially when it's apparent to one (often, but not always, the male) that the other is having a much easier time of meeting people.

I've been invited by a guy to a party on Friday night. I think I want to go to see what the whole thing is about. He says that he'll pay for me to go, we'll take separate cars, and I don't have to do anything. He said he planned to just go and watch anyway. Is this something I should do or should I be seeing red flags?

Nobody can answer that for you. I mean, I'm seeing "red flags" all over the place, but I'm also finding that, as time goes by, I'm becoming "not a very good spokesman" for singles in the lifestyle. If you're not seeing the same flags I am, then by all means, GO. But meet in a well-lit place with lots of surveilance cameras, and if your dad or brother isn't going with you, at least take your cell-phone and some pepper spray. It would probably be a good idea to hide a pig-sticker and a GPS tracking device somewhere in your go-go boots, too.

That, or a pimp.