[Tempest419]

So you're asking about the "whys" behind the limits, not the limits themselves.
Well there are several reasons why, and yes many people here probably set limits due to emotions; you seem to be asking why we can't fully emotionally explore others?

As for why do we have those two limits, the particulars of our relationship, they are both emotional and practical reasons, and I'm sure most people here would basically agree with them. (Although there are some open polyamorous folks here, and that's cool too).... as I mentioned I am not comfortable with there being a full-blown polyamorous relationship between the two of them for emotional reasons; quite frankly, we are busy people with a family and dividing up love and intense romantic interest to that extent (on either of our parts) with another person, when it's already limited for us, would make things unpleasant for everyone involved. That is my emotional limit, and his as well. She is in our life for vanilla functions as well, we all make a conscious effort to spend some time together, usually 2-3 days a week with her spending the night here (with or w/o sex) that we both enjoy, and we love her very much... but we also spend time apart. While she is very close to us and our marriage due to the intimacy right now, ultimately, she understands we have a marriage and family, and ultimately, she wants one of "her own" one day and has begun to date again, although I should say she is not interested in dating someone who is not open minded about swinging with the two of us eventually :-).

As for why I don't want him to come in her... some of it is a) he doesn't come in me right now except for certain occasions b/c I am not on the pill. And yes... out of jealousy probably, I don't want him having that fun with her all the time b/c she is still on the pill!

As for no anal, we are probably most like everyone else in that first of all, it's a delicate situation and you want to make sure you can trust the person... it is also indeed an emotional limit, in that we want to keep that one thing "sacred" to the two of us, i.e., sharing it only with each other.

Now... there are a whole bevy of practical issues in fully emotionally exploring a multi-relationshiop, and yes... one of them is practical, and that's the possibility of pregnancy. We had a small scare last month where my bf was a little late on getting her monthly moon, and she had been taking antibiotics for a sinus infection previously... yikes! She was sweating it out and sweet thing she is, didn't worry me with it til she actually got her period and heaved a sigh of relief. Point being... of course I have considered the possibility (there's ALWAYS a possibility of pregnancy with any sex) that it could happen and how I would react, and it's not where I choose to go so I set boundaries and we negotiate. Worst case scenario--while I believe I would deal in stride with such an outcome, b/c children are innocent and these are both people I love, and I went into it with my eyes open--I don't first choose to be a poly household and want all the ramifications of that. Telling the family, and the neighbors, and work... sheesh, no thanks--not my first choice right now.

OTOH, I am more "poly" than a typical swinger b/c I don't keep mulitple partners or swing with strangers very often--I love my bf and my husband, we have known each other years and years, and we have very fond and loving feelings as well as a "commitment" to stick with her only for female sexual encounters.... Make sense???

Funny you are in Buenos Aires, my girfriend is a first born US child of immigrants from Argentina... she just visited family there last January. And is quite the latin beauty :-)

~Tempest