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Originally Posted by SableOnBlond I do very much fight an internal battle. While I can't help being attracted to many different guys, there is a part of me that thinks sex outside of your relationship is wrong, or unnatural. I know what is unnatural is to expect a person to be attracted to only their SO for the rest of their lives. That's unrealistic. There is a huge gap between what I think and what I feel. I *think* threesomes or swinging in general is wrong. There is a part of me that is very traditional. But at the same time I very much enjoy non-traditional sex, crave variety, and while I can see myself emotionally attached to one person for a long time, I can't see going forever with only one sexual partner. So I guess I have a lot to work out. Does it seem like it would be beneficial for me to continue to pursue a "swinging" lifestyle or not? |
Sable,
I believe the later question is irrelevant for you right now, and even more, that it is poorly grounded... thinking of swinging as a "benefit" worth to pursuit, while you didn't reached to any stable point in your "internal battle" is pointless and moreover, THIS is unrealistic and disrespectfull.
As I said before, you put too much weight on other people expectations about your life, and this doesn't mean to have witnesses sitting in a chair watching what you do to give you an approval, insthead it means the traditional part of you that you admit to have, and that has to do with the "right" behavior rules you learn so forth.
And you're still thinking of this in terms of what is right and what is wrong, what you'd supposed to do and what you wish to be able to do, and all of this has to do with expectations from people surrounding you and your own expectations for yourself. Making a gross example for the issue as you're addressing it, your question can be read as: "Should I fuck everyone around that make me wet my panties and accept that I am just a cheap whore, or should I address my wetness taking cold showers and ensure mom, dad, aunt and granma will look at me as the good girl I know am?"
The problem is that you still cannot find a place where to match the concepts of "fucking everyone around" and "being a good girl" as not being opposed to each other. All the women in this board already found such a place, and it is a place anyone of us had to find out BEFORE even thinking of swinging.
And perhaps because of this, Cat here just told you that you should start respecting yourself, and this mean to respect your wishes, your desires, your own ways to live your life, your ideas, your feelings, and so forth, since it seems that you give way more credit to what I call "third ones expectations" than your own feelings, toughts and beliefs. And even more, when the questions you ask about "how things should be" for yourself could lead you to the "take a cold shower and be a good girl" answer that for sure won't fit with our lifestyle (if you reach this point, you'd be disrespectfull with all the women in this forum since then, necesarily, all of them would be "whores").
So, even when the question is valid for you, here you'll get answers biased toward the concepts leading to the respect we actually feel for ourselves and other swingers, something that may not help you at all. So, the question about the lifestyle in terms of benefits and on the grounds you're doing it, here, turns to be wrong.
Even so, I believe we understand your dilemma and how valid the questions you're asking to yourself are, because at some point we faced the same dilemma. As for me, I feel I cannot give you any advice about the "benefits" of being swinger because that would be being pushy with someone who didn't developed her own standards, and by doing so, I would be being disrespectfull with myself, with the orher board members, and with the lifestylers in general.
So, my advice isn't related to the "being swinger" question, but to the lack of standards you're showing and what I believe you could do to work around this issue (what I wrote in my previous post), that could help you find out if you'll feel more confortable in a bed or in a shower.
Again, you're young and you're in the middle of the proccess that will define your sexuality. Don't be so hard and enjoy the proccess itself, because no matter where it will lead you, it deserve to be enjoyed.
sereneiders