[txduo2000]

Kate:

I wish you the best in however you decide to handle this issue. This seems like a sticky one, for sure, but maybe not as bad since your husband is on board and ok with your feelings.

We have a regular single male that we play with ... and I care about him, but not in the "relationship" or "poly" sense. I care about him like I would a friend. I would be concerned if he were in a car wreck, but it would not be the devastation or the personal impact that I would feel were it my husband in a car wreck ... if you get what I am saying. We will see this guy at occasional swing parties, and not always play. We will invite him to our home sometimes, but it is infrequent. Emotional attachment is the occupational hazard of this lifestyle, especially to newbies who have not completely developed the ability to put the invisible barrier up to emotional attachments.

It's hard to NOT develop some sort of feeling for someone you see on a regular basis, but I do think that in this lifestyle, if one isn't looking for Poly (as we aren't) it is best to set your mind to disassociate as much as possible from emotions when playing with others.

That's not to say that emotional attachments are bad if that's what is acceptable to you AND your partner AND the potential poly-partner. It's just really difficult to get everyone on the same page as far as emotions are concerned. I applaud you and your husband for your openness and communication and understanding of each other.