[Alura]

Welcome from Oklahoma, Phadz2! We're glad you've joined us!

As you can imagine, we get this question a lot. There will be a number of suggestions from board members. Stay tuned.

Probably, you'll need to develop your communication first. If you have a fear of talking to your wife about any subject at all, you have some homework to do first.

When Mrs. Alura and I first realized this relationship was going somewhere, we agreed that we would never get "mad" about any question one of us asked the other and would always andwer completely, seeking answers, not blame. Consequently, we've never had to fear asking anything. It may not work for you, but it has served us well for twenty-five years.

You might start by saying, "Honey, there's something I'd like to ask you about that we've never discussed, but I'm afraid you'll get angry so I've not done it."

If she says, "Go ahead and ask," phrase the question so that it cannot be answered with "yes" or "no." For example, "I've run across a message board that has to do with swinging. I'm wondering how people can do that and stay married. How do you feel about group sex?"

A lot of people, both men and women, have asked us that question. Some have managed to get their spouses to visit this board to do research. They find out we're not ogres and often become interested.

Don't be in a hurry. Don't push her faster than she's willing to go. If you make her fearful or uncomfortable, you'll have problems.

Please drop by our "Introductions" forum and tell us a bit more about yourselves... and keep us up to date on your progress.

Mr. Alura