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Originally Posted by kittylikesmfm that's what i'm talking about. i'm kind of confused with alot of the approach towards swinging being so different from regular sex...i just can't imagine that. i mean the same things are going to draw me to an individual whether i'm approaching them with my spouse or not; the same qualities and rapport with the individual are going to drive my desire to fuck them.
i guess this kind of falls under the category of how superficial are you and/or your s.o.'s attractions to people and what relevance does that have on your ability to have sex with other people as a couple. my husband and i are both, "attractive at a glance, but upon talking up close, physical faults pale in comparison to personality flaws" types when assessing anyone we meet, male or female. if you're that type and your partner is shallow, i can see how you could have some big issues on who you wanted to be involved with and how.
and, btw, i love the term 'included third'. perfect. |
I don't think its neccessarily being superficial. I think its a matter of where their comfort level is. Some couples refuse to have anything to do with a single man or woman that doesn't want a platonic relationship and only wants to meet for sex occasionally. Some couples refuse to have anything to do with a single man or woman that wants to establish a friendship on any level other than sexual. The same goes for some singles. Its what they are comfortable with. Like I said, I can't imagine going through all the work of meeting a couple if all I'm going to get out of it is sex. Even if I pursue single women in that way, there is a possibility of something deeper evolving. That isn't usually the case with couples, because they have their own lives to lead.
I don't agree with the sex for sex sake idea anymore unless I'm at a club or house party (and I don't make the effort to travel three or four hours to clubs anymore either). Even with the house party situation, I would have established some kind of rapport beyond sex that allowed the couple to trust me enough to know where they live. With clubs, everyone is there for one thing (to hook up with someone) and in a way, finding someone to swing with is just a little more involved than getting someone to slow dance. Attraction, interest, and its a go. But for me, I don't have time to approach couple after couple after couple just to have sex. I reserve that kind of energy for single women that might be interested in something more permanent, even if it is just a friend to have sex with.
If I contact a couple to swing with, its because something they said or something I read led me to believe that the THREE of us would be friends even if the idea of sex wasn't a possibility.