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Originally Posted by kittylikesmfm i have a question for singles primarily but would also like to hear couples reverse experience.
for singles:
as a single swinger, how willing are you to give that much of yourself for the person/s you're attracted to in the couple? do you ever "hold back" on opening up completely to couples, feeling like they have the relationship, so they should be required to 'give more' and 'open up' more since they are at an emotional and maybe even percieved social advantage? |
The brief answer is: I let the couple's desires guide how much I get involved, and certainly do
not expect them to 'give more' or 'open up' more.
If they've been interested enough in me and kind enough to include me, it would be pretty presumptuous of me to expect them to 'give more'. Some couples want a single to play with her while he only watches. Some want a more MFM situation. Some want more/other than that and hope for an on-going thing that includes friendship and non-swinging activities. I figure that as an 'invited third' it's therefore up to me to be flexible, within the limits of my capabilities and desires. If I don't figure I can fit what they want, it's time to politely decline.
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Originally Posted by kittylikesmfm and as secondary questions:
straight single guys; how willing are you to develop a good relationship(non sexual) with the male of a couple you get involved with? |
If that's what a couple is after, it certainly is a consideration for whether I'm willing to play. Sometimes it gets discussed beforehand, sometimes later; sometimes never--things just develop as they develop. In all cases, honest, polite answers are called for.
Some couples play separately--and with no expectation of an on-going relationship. In that situation, all that really matters is what she wants and if she and I click. After all, it's just for that session/night.
Others play separately and there is an expectation on her behalf (and they have an understanding) that she's gonna have 'lovers' (so to speak). Involvement varies, from her being free to choose who she likes through to him having to approve potential lovers in advance. This can be a lot of fun, IMO, because you get to know each other, and to do 'non-swinging' sorts of things (sometimes only with her, sometimes with both of them). If everyone has their head on straight about things, it's probably the most satisfying as far as I am concerned. Friends with benefits.
Some couples play only together, and again the situations range from 'it's just for tonight' through to 'we'd like to be good friends'. It all can work as far as I am concerned--it really just depends on the people involved.
I've turned down playing for any number of reasons, including that a couple was looking for more in a relationship than I knew would work for me. I'm not gonna agree to play with a couple where I think that the husband and I are just not gonna get along--even where I'm very attracted to her. It simply isn't worth the potential drama.
On the other hand, I have a great relationship with the husband of my current swing partner, and that's something that just happened to develop.
I truly don't know (and often don't understand--based on their behavior) how other single guys approach swinging. Many, I think, see it as a quick route to 'getting laid'. I suspect they don't last long in the swinging world, as word rapidly gets around that they're not in it for the right reasons.
For myself, I approach every club night or encounter as being different in only one real respect from the vanilla world: that we all know in advance what the
potential is, as we're all of like mind when it comes to sex. That's the only real difference I see from going to a vanilla club, or meeting people in 'normal' life. At a swing club or party one at least knows that everyone's there for pretty much the same purpose.
There've been a lot of nights--far more nights than those on which I've played with someone--where I've just ended up having a good time talking/flirting. Nothing at all wrong with those. The fun part is that, unlike vanilla nights out, people are free to be more bold and do non-vanilla things like being naked.
Ramble, ramble, ramble...
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Originally Posted by kittylikesmfm as a happily married woman, the point for me of swinging is to regain part of that youthful bliss sourounding a new possible sexual mate. |
This is what can make things really fun from a single guy's end of things as well. Flirting, playing around, and generally approaching things from this perspective are great, and make for some really hot sex, too.