[twobears]

Well for us we are right in the middle of our "how we felt after" our first was just this week. I(female) am alittle concerned because my husband is so calm. We had talked and was not sure that I would be able to let go of the "oldways" of what has been put in my head all of these days. I drinked so I would be "lose" and the erotic play was fun.When I turned myself around to let the other man have me I" made myself "do it because I just had to get over my hung-ups and just have the b--ls to do it. One of the factors I have that helped me is I like to see my hubby with another woman and she and I had also ready had our play,we were all "hot". When I think about my feelings and I really did not care one way or the other if I got the man. I knew that if I didn't have intercourse neither would my hubby. I have asked him how he felt and his answer was not what I wanted to hear. He just still has to have last inch of private thoughs for himself. He said that it was exciting seeing us all together but it did not make him feel more ertoic to seeing me having sex. He was wonderful during the experience, touching me, kissing me I had asked him "if" that I was able to let go the only way I felt like I could just let go and enjoy my body was to have him kissing me. He gets defensive in conversation about how he felt and really does not like to talk about it, this makes me unhappy. I have some self image problems it isn't the greated, working on it. My hubby says I should want to have intercourse with the other male I am wondering because I don't "want to" the feelings of erotic pleasure is there but really really wanting the other man is not. He says that the only thing on his mind how good it feels they is no emotions. The excitment and really even as hot as I was to really "want" to have sex with the other man is not there. He isn't very sexual aroused when we get home or even the rest of the week. He wake up with a hard on and we played some but I felt he was only doing it to please me. He never wants to put any emotions (feeling) into this he over and over says well it is somthing to have fun with and really he had not given any thoughs about the other night. It was something we did just for fun,the causal out look I just don't buy. I told him not to be worried about how I would take it, he says just like any other fun thing we might do. It is not right for me to want him to express how wonderful I am to have done this "for him" but I did it for both of us because I wanted him to have the other female play mate. I am not sure if I just cann't admitt to myself that I really have to have an excuse to let myself have sex with male playmate because I can't at this time admitt to myself that I really wanted sex with the other man. Did any of you women help me out here, did any of you have some of these thoughs? I cann't spell I have learning disablity so hope everyones understand what I am saying. I don't feel bad or anything but just alittle uneasy about hubby's so easy going out look at this for us.