Oh, believe me I'll be the first to admit that I'm not emotionally mature enough to handle this, by far. And I am considerably young (22). But honestly...no matter how old I was I don't think I could ever emotionally handle it, or see how anyone could.
And yes, I also fully realize that I have a LOT of double standards. The part about being a cheater...well, I am not proud of it, but I have cheated on every boyfriend I've ever had. This time I just had permission.
I think my problem really is just being way too hedonistic and chasing after every silly little impulse, instead of stopping to consider what kind of consequences my actions might have. I am trying to work on choosing the higher road.
Last night, at my urging, we had another threesome. And this time I felt everything I know I should have felt all along - the disgust, the horror, the sadness of it all. I know it will be the last time. And my relationship with my boyfriend may not last either, as our values truly are so different.
Someone said that love and sex are two different things, but in my case I have to respectfully disagree. I've tried for a long time to be a very free-spirited and loose girl, but every guy I have ever slept with I've developed a strong attachment to, even the ones I never dreamed possible. Giving your body to another person just seems like such a private, intimate act that is associated with love. I guess I'm definetly not cut out to be a swinger, huh?
But you've all been very truthful, calling a spade a spade, and it's all correct. I'm glad I had this ephiphany. I need to do a lot of work on myself. Take care, and thanks again!