The Swingers Board - View Single Post

txduo2000 · 10-30-2005, 09:31 AM

Insofar as questions number 1 and 2 are concerned, those questions can really only be answered by you and your boyfriend, so communication is key there, as it is with any matter to do with swinging.

Question number 3 can be answered simply: "normal" doesn't mean "typical" ... so what is normal for you, might not be normal for someone else. Doesn't mean what you feel is wrong, or that someone with differing opinions or viewpoints is wrong ... it's just your preferences vs. someone else's. I believe that "normal" is a loose term, able to be interpreted by a variety of different people in a variety of different ways. My opinion is that as long as it isn't illegal and someone isn't hurt by it, anything can be "normal".

You just need to sit down with your boyfriend and TALK to him ... discuss what your fantasies are, discuss his, decide where you each want to go with them, discuss boundaries and limitations if you do decide to pursue swinging or polyamory (which, as the previous poster stated, sounds like what you are seeking). It seems like you have a great deal of murky waters in your relationship that could be cleared up by simply asking questions of your boyfriend and deciding where you, yourself, want to go in the relationship with him, and in an extended relationship with your roommate.

Finally, I will say that for US, we would not swing at all if either of us had any jealousy issues. You will find from reading this board that the LAST thing extended partners want to deal with is drama in your relationship. And it is not only our extended partners that I am concerned with; it is us and our relationship as well. I simply would not feel right, within my own set of values and morals if I wasn't fair to my husband in allowing him the same freedoms that he allows me. Depending on the level of intensity of your relatiohship with your boyfriend, whether it is a passing fling or a relationship with the potential to move into long-term or marriage, you have to decide what it is you are seeking from the possibility of an extended relationship with this other guy. Will swinging/polyamory strengthen and enhance the relationship with your boyfriend? Is strength and enhancement to your primary relationship what you are seeking?

I think you also need to ask yourself if you are easily attached emotionally to anyone you have sex with. In reading your post, it sounds like that might be the case for you. Of course, it might not be. It's not really for me to say, it's just my perception.

For the majority of swingers, it is the thrill of casual sex with others with no emotional strings attached that is the attraction. The freedom to be with others sexually, trying out a variety of different methods and techniques, being continually awakened by new partners while still maintaining a strong, solid primary relationship with respect, trust and love as the foundation is our reason for being in the lifestyle. Any friendships we make along the way are simply "bonuses" ... meaning, we do not seek to become close friends with anyone. Close friendships require a certain amount of emotional involvement, which could become dangerous if your primary relationship isn't strong, a concern if extended emotional attachments are not what you seek.

So, TALK ... openly, honestly, and deeply. Spend some time on these boards, share them with your boyfriend. There are so many matters of discussion here that I would highly doubt that many things you might be interested in have not been discussed. And those that aren't, well, you simply do as you have done and ask. There are MANY great people here who have a grip on the lifestyle and their relationships with their spouse/s.o. as well as their swing partners. There are also newbies who can share with you their insight on breaking into the lifestyle.

As one of the regular posters on this board often says (and I am paraphrasing), when sex is no longer the main focus of your primary relationship and you develop the freedom to be sexually expressive with others outside your relationship, you quickly discover other elements of your primary relationship that are even more important than sex and find that it is those elements that define your relationship.

10-30-2005, 09:31 AM	#4 (permalink)
txduo2000 Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 662 Location: Dallas TX Area Status: Couple	Re: Threesome Troubles Insofar as questions number 1 and 2 are concerned, those questions can really only be answered by you and your boyfriend, so communication is key there, as it is with any matter to do with swinging. Question number 3 can be answered simply: "normal" doesn't mean "typical" ... so what is normal for you, might not be normal for someone else. Doesn't mean what you feel is wrong, or that someone with differing opinions or viewpoints is wrong ... it's just your preferences vs. someone else's. I believe that "normal" is a loose term, able to be interpreted by a variety of different people in a variety of different ways. My opinion is that as long as it isn't illegal and someone isn't hurt by it, anything can be "normal". You just need to sit down with your boyfriend and TALK to him ... discuss what your fantasies are, discuss his, decide where you each want to go with them, discuss boundaries and limitations if you do decide to pursue swinging or polyamory (which, as the previous poster stated, sounds like what you are seeking). It seems like you have a great deal of murky waters in your relationship that could be cleared up by simply asking questions of your boyfriend and deciding where you, yourself, want to go in the relationship with him, and in an extended relationship with your roommate. Finally, I will say that for US, we would not swing at all if either of us had any jealousy issues. You will find from reading this board that the LAST thing extended partners want to deal with is drama in your relationship. And it is not only our extended partners that I am concerned with; it is us and our relationship as well. I simply would not feel right, within my own set of values and morals if I wasn't fair to my husband in allowing him the same freedoms that he allows me. Depending on the level of intensity of your relatiohship with your boyfriend, whether it is a passing fling or a relationship with the potential to move into long-term or marriage, you have to decide what it is you are seeking from the possibility of an extended relationship with this other guy. Will swinging/polyamory strengthen and enhance the relationship with your boyfriend? Is strength and enhancement to your primary relationship what you are seeking? I think you also need to ask yourself if you are easily attached emotionally to anyone you have sex with. In reading your post, it sounds like that might be the case for you. Of course, it might not be. It's not really for me to say, it's just my perception. For the majority of swingers, it is the thrill of casual sex with others with no emotional strings attached that is the attraction. The freedom to be with others sexually, trying out a variety of different methods and techniques, being continually awakened by new partners while still maintaining a strong, solid primary relationship with respect, trust and love as the foundation is our reason for being in the lifestyle. Any friendships we make along the way are simply "bonuses" ... meaning, we do not seek to become close friends with anyone. Close friendships require a certain amount of emotional involvement, which could become dangerous if your primary relationship isn't strong, a concern if extended emotional attachments are not what you seek. So, TALK ... openly, honestly, and deeply. Spend some time on these boards, share them with your boyfriend. There are so many matters of discussion here that I would highly doubt that many things you might be interested in have not been discussed. And those that aren't, well, you simply do as you have done and ask. There are MANY great people here who have a grip on the lifestyle and their relationships with their spouse/s.o. as well as their swing partners. There are also newbies who can share with you their insight on breaking into the lifestyle. As one of the regular posters on this board often says (and I am paraphrasing), when sex is no longer the main focus of your primary relationship and you develop the freedom to be sexually expressive with others outside your relationship, you quickly discover other elements of your primary relationship that are even more important than sex and find that it is those elements that define your relationship.
	__________________ Life is not measured by how many breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away. Last edited by txduo2000; 10-30-2005 at 09:34 AM.