Looks like possibly an initial failure to communicate, which could be called cheating (and maybe was), followed by a demand for a carte blanche for her to do as (and whom) she chooses, regardless of whether Naughtycool is into the idea.
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the converstation that took place that night was that basically there are no more rules in (or out)the lifestyle and that I could do whatever I wanted with whomever and she actually challenged me to find a sex partner
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That's the bit I would find most alarming if I were in those shoes. It appears she's basically saying that the prime relationship doesn't matter any more. She'll do her thing anyway. That "challenge" I would find most insulting.
I would suggest that a pause in the swinging might be in order, though given the above, I'm not convinced she would stop if it was asked of her. The fact that an earlier situation got "
WAY too close for WAY too long" raises a lot of issues for the current situation.
Good luck! I fear you may need it.
CB