[Spoomonkey]

I am not so sure that it is cheating, though I do see your point, WP. I think this is a case of boundaries becoming far too lax.

I think that what might have happened is that communication has broken down. There are plenty of couples who have a "no rules" approach and make it work, but the majority of swingers have rules that are intended to protect themselves as a couple. It is obvious that what the lifestyle has become for you isn't working, so "no rules" isn't "just right."

I think the sane-est and most sensible thing any couple can do when they get "out of sync" is simply to pull away from swinging. It doesn't have to be forever, though it certainly could be, if that is what works. But, pull away and communicate. Go back to the open, honest communication that helped both of you get into the lifestyle.

Tell her how this is making you feel - but not with a "aren't you a big girl" tone (that may be some pretty good insight into what is going on, IMHO). Start with honesty and see if you both can work together from there.

I think the scariest thing in the lifestyle for me would be to get to a point where Mrs Spoo and I are no longer heading in the same direction. After all, this isn't bowling we are talking about. This sort of thing could/would absolutely rip us apart. Because of that, we are very adamant about keeping our communication as wide open today as it was when we started. My relationship to her is far more important than this "hobby" - and I know she feels the same.

The two of you need to stop, back up, get back to that point and then see where the road leads from there.

Spoomonkey