[Tempest419]

Hi there papl... I just wanted to add my two cents in as a newbie and as someone who had a similarly upsetting experience just a little over a week ago.

First of all... your feelings are hurt, and I think that all you really want--instead of an apology from your husband or advice from people here--is for someone to validate how you feel. No one has really done that; in fact, people have called you into question and defended your husband (with good reason, mind you) but it doesn't seem anyone was attentive to how you feel about this. It's okay--your feelings cannot be rationalized, compartmentalized or discarded. They are what they are, and they don't have to make sense. Emotions in a marriage rarely do.

There are people on this board who will insult you and the structural integrity of your marriage because you are new and still dealing with boundaries and issues of jealousy. These folks have much more experience and many more years on you or I and I think it's easy to forget what it's like to be new. As far as I'm concerned, if your husband initially tells you he wants to sleep with other women and you have no reaction to this... you're probably not so much an enlightened being as you are emotionally numb. It's just not human. I have those aquaintances, and they aren't much fun.

People who start questioning the integrity and reasoning for your rules is going too far. Some people want to keep things to themselves as a couple, and that's okay too. I am not at the stage where I want to fall into bed with whoever and say "anything goes" either... quite frankly, from what I've seen on this board that's not even a SAFE way to play. There are women on this board who have been violated and physically harmed because (from what I observed) there were no rules and clear communication on what is okay, either that or they have been doing it for so long they just don't have any rules. It's a very sticky game for women in several ways, and you should play as you are comfortable.

As for scorekeeping... oh yes, everyone is scorekeeping. I got with a girlfriend first and I caught all kinds of personal (that I was selfish) and marital insults (that my marriage was second to my bisexual friend) on my husband's thread because I wouldn't allow him to just run off alone with the first twat that presented itself the next week.

All I can do is reiterate that it sounds to me like your husband tried to get away from the chick, so if you believe him, then forgive and forget. Also try to remember that YOU were enjoying yourself as well to a certain point, and that you can have fun together again.

And, you are right about perhaps sticking with threesomes instead of couple swapping. It's working out very well for us with two trusted singles right now, and it feels more personal. You know what they say... three's a company and four's a crowd. It is indeed more personal with three and if you are okay with that, then go back to it.

Good luck to you and feel free to send me a note.

Tempest