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Originally Posted by pacpl4funn What do I want from this???
To have a good time, exerience life and all it's many wonders WITH my husband.
Why do "I" want this? Because it's something he's wanted to try for along time and I am cruious, I'd like to try it and I also want to have a good time while making us both happy.
What personal issues do I have with sharing my husband? Tough question to be honest. I can share to a point, every adventure is different, and if the situation is handled correctly, however, I don't want to throw away the things that make our life special either. |
If you can't answer this question, you are not ready to swing. Everyone has issues when it comes to sex. EVERYONE, not just swingers. I know what I'm comfortable with and when the time is right, I tell ALL parties involved. If they are not willing to work within my rules, it won't work. You have to stop and take the hard look at yourself.
For example, I can't do the annonymous sex with couples thing. Even if the woman says she has permission to swing alone, I have to talk to her husband a lot more than I talk to her before I feel comfortable having sex with the wife. Its one of my hangups. I had a girlfreind that cheated on me with a swing partner and got pregnant. Her rationale was that we weren't married so she could be with whomever she wanted whenever she wanted. Didn't matter that I never even flirted with other women without her present the 18 months we lived together. She believed her prior experiences negated any commitments to me.
That left a bad taste in my mouth, so now I have to know the husband is on board with what I consider a good sexual encounter (especially if she says she plays alone), just so I don't feel like I'm doing to some guy what had been done to me in the name of swinging. That actually kept me from swinging as a single man for many years.
You HAVE to be willing to look deep inside yourself and say "Does this really bother me or am I just looking for something to complain about?" If you can't be honest with yourself, you can't be honest with others. And if you can't be honest with the people you are having sex with, you will not enjoy it.
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What if he or she has a much better time on a date than I do, can i handle watching him get off if my partner is not performing? No I don't think I can, what your asking is like if one wasn't having a good time, should the one who isn't go out and sit in the car and wait??? Sorry but I thought the pretense of swinging was that both have a good time or the night ends early!!
What More do I want??? the answer no one here seems capable of giving,
How do you move on, how do you forgive when your trust has been violated?
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Life is not black and white. Yes, he has to keep in the back of his mind that he can't totally let himself go with other women like he does with you, but you have to be willing to let go of the anger before you can stop feeling betrayed. The anger is feeding those hurt feelings, not the other way around. Yes, you felt angry, betrayed, and hurt when it happened, but the anger is the feeling that is easiest to hold on to. And its the one thats is coming through based on your choice of words and the way your spelling and grammer slips from college educated woman to seventh grade school girl. You are typing angry, meaning you are feeling furious.
No, letting go of anger is not simple. But you have to make a conscious effort not to be angry. Once you stop acting on your anger, you will stop feeling it as much. Once the anger starts to leave, the feelings of betrayal and emotional pain will follow, because the anger is just feeding those emotions.
This is swinging. Its supposed to be fun. Its also not for everyone. If it were, you would see ads for swing clubs in the local newspaper, not just in adult magazines and websites. Don't let anger over something you can do without cause a problem with something you can't do without...your marriage.