The Swingers Board - View Single Post - First Swap! DH forgot OUR rules! What to do??

pacpl4funn · 10-21-2005, 11:11 AM

thank you txduo2000, very much, I greatly appreciate all you said and as always I take it to heart,

And beleive me when I say, in our normal everyday like, we are the best of friends, sure we disagree, that's normal, but I always try to discuss it, now granted, hubby isn't the great at wanting to discuss things, he has some trouble articulating himself, anotherwards when he says something, it's hard to know what he actually means, it's not coming out 'clear'. But aside from that, we're totally inlove, want whats best for eachother and our marriage.

I do forgive him, cause I love this man, and I know he loves me and didn't mean to hurt me, that's why I came here, to gain some understanding, to learn alittle more.

I don't want to 'brow beat' this man to death cause he made a mistake. I can't change what I saw happen, but I don't want to keep hurting inside. As I've personally found since we've been part of this lifestlye, every experience wether it be good or bad, is a learning experience. And thanks to everyone here, telling me like it is, has actually helped me. I'm not mad, or angry at him anymore. Yes, I was angry & hurt, for the last week and a half, since this happened, I felt so confused, betrayed, shaken, feeling that I didn't know where I fit in his life. And yes for a moment I felt very replaceable. We / I had never had this experience of having another woman there, assuming my roll, in effect, taking my place, I don't think I was over reacting, I was hurt. People hurt. I just had to find a constructive way to deal with it, and coming here, listening to everyone and their views was helpful.

I read somewhere, as comfort levels increase so does the level of play. And I do beleive this is true, especially for me, we started out with the minimum, watched and being watched, gravitated to bringing another man into it, and the first guy we played with regularly for almost a year, then a few different guys along the way, we experimented with alot of same room sex. Attended M & G's hosted by friends, even hosted a small gang bang for a female friend, However without going into all the details, as I'm sure not everyone is interested in what we've actually done, we're not about quanity of partners, for us, it's about the quality, establishing friends, wether it be for play or not.

I actually think I'm retarted in my way of thinking sometimes, LOL, I really thought if anything about the swap would have thrown me for a loop, it would have the other sexual acts, ie; foreplay, oral, fucking, etc......... it was actually exciting & arousing. So I find it odd that the one part, a natural bodily function that is normal duing any sexual stimilation would have such an adverse effect on me.

Either I'm really fucked up in the head or not as much as I thought.
Maybe I'm more kinkier then I even know. LOL

Oh well, I dono, :-)

thanks all and everyone have a great day.

10-21-2005, 11:11 AM	#37 (permalink)
pacpl4funn Active Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 29 Location: PA	Re: 1st time swap and DH forgets OUR rules What to do?? thank you txduo2000, very much, I greatly appreciate all you said and as always I take it to heart, And beleive me when I say, in our normal everyday like, we are the best of friends, sure we disagree, that's normal, but I always try to discuss it, now granted, hubby isn't the great at wanting to discuss things, he has some trouble articulating himself, anotherwards when he says something, it's hard to know what he actually means, it's not coming out 'clear'. But aside from that, we're totally inlove, want whats best for eachother and our marriage. I do forgive him, cause I love this man, and I know he loves me and didn't mean to hurt me, that's why I came here, to gain some understanding, to learn alittle more. I don't want to 'brow beat' this man to death cause he made a mistake. I can't change what I saw happen, but I don't want to keep hurting inside. As I've personally found since we've been part of this lifestlye, every experience wether it be good or bad, is a learning experience. And thanks to everyone here, telling me like it is, has actually helped me. I'm not mad, or angry at him anymore. Yes, I was angry & hurt, for the last week and a half, since this happened, I felt so confused, betrayed, shaken, feeling that I didn't know where I fit in his life. And yes for a moment I felt very replaceable. We / I had never had this experience of having another woman there, assuming my roll, in effect, taking my place, I don't think I was over reacting, I was hurt. People hurt. I just had to find a constructive way to deal with it, and coming here, listening to everyone and their views was helpful. I read somewhere, as comfort levels increase so does the level of play. And I do beleive this is true, especially for me, we started out with the minimum, watched and being watched, gravitated to bringing another man into it, and the first guy we played with regularly for almost a year, then a few different guys along the way, we experimented with alot of same room sex. Attended M & G's hosted by friends, even hosted a small gang bang for a female friend, However without going into all the details, as I'm sure not everyone is interested in what we've actually done, we're not about quanity of partners, for us, it's about the quality, establishing friends, wether it be for play or not. I actually think I'm retarted in my way of thinking sometimes, LOL, I really thought if anything about the swap would have thrown me for a loop, it would have the other sexual acts, ie; foreplay, oral, fucking, etc......... it was actually exciting & arousing. So I find it odd that the one part, a natural bodily function that is normal duing any sexual stimilation would have such an adverse effect on me. Either I'm really fucked up in the head or not as much as I thought. Maybe I'm more kinkier then I even know. LOL Oh well, I dono, :-) thanks all and everyone have a great day.