[pacpl4funn]

Good Morning,

While yes I came here seeking insite, clearity and maybe just some emotional support. And from all the responces I can tell that every one has an opinion, some are partially right, and some I guess can't read or lack comprehension as to what I was expressing here. I guess that's my fault.

Yes we've been in this for about 3 years, why aren't we further???? Well hey, we have jobs, families, responsibilities that come first, and to even meet someone can be time consuming. But regardless of all that, hubby and I both agreed that swinging would not take over our life. HE didn't want it to be an everyday or every weekend type of thing. HE said cause if it were, then it wouldn't be as exciting...His words. And I agreed, it's what he felt comfortable with.

When my hubby first told me about swinging and swingers and his desire to want to try this, yes sure I panicked, big time, In my history I've always been a bumm magnet, nothing but cheats and women beaters. And through the grace of god, we found each other, had so many obsticals in our way, distance being one of them, we were 5 hours apart. But we made it, and we made it work.

So after we get together, he tells me about this and how he's always wanted to try this, says how he never had the balls to ever utter a word to his x wife in 22 years about this, and being how close we are, he felt he could tell me about it, you have no idea how that made me feel, how special I felt.

So sure I felt special, does that mean I didn't panic, hell yes I did, but what do you do when you see that something is so important to the one you love??? The first thing I did was to try and understand it. The whole concept, discuss it, educate myself and him. And that's what I did. I read everything, learned what this lifestyle is 'susposed' to be about.

Everything I read said if your not on the same page, to proceed with caution, go at the slower person's speed, to not rush, to take your time, create safety rules. To determin what's acceptable and not. To treate your spouse with respect, to be caring, concerned, to talk about things that you find upsetting. etc. etc. etc..

In 3 years, to some we have done allot, yes it took me 3 years to be capable of the swap, and I don't think I was ready, or as ready as I thought I was.

In the 3sums that we're done, we played with one guy regularly for almost a year, then the guy broke our rule and kissed me, hubby didn't like it at all, he tried to talk to the fellow, he denied it, so hubby said we were never playing with him again. Hubby said we needed some us time so he could 're-group' because it upset him.... Then a few months passed and we played again with a few different guys, and each time I was feeling more comfortable. You could say it was growing on me. As I had felt very tence, very scared, I knew hubby was enjoying it, but at the same time I felt if I ever really got into it, hubby might not be able to handle that. So I told him that I enjoyed what we were doing but that part of me was being careful for his sake. And he appeared very happy that I was being considerate to his feelings and said that he didn't want me holding back. He wanted me to really enjoy it, that HE was ok. So the next time we played, I let myself go, I really was able to enjoy it, I knew hubby was ok, he said he was ok, so I finally had some real fun. Then came the after, he pulled the emergancy brake. He got all freaked out on the way home, said he didn't want swinging anymore, he said, he felt this guy had disrespected me in his 'dirty talk". This was so unlike my hubby, in the past it was clear I was wasn't having THAT good a time, he was fine, the one guy kissed me and he didn't freak out and pull the plug, but because this guy talked a little dirty, he pulls the plug???? Nothing made since, It was almost a year before he wanted to do anything with anyone, and in all that time, I felt it was cause I finally had fun. He still says it wasn't cause I had fun, but cause of this guys talkin.

Anyhow, here we are, rules are broken, there nothing I can do about, it, I didn't come up with the rule, he did, I didn't break the rules, he did. I love him no matter what, yes my feelings are hurt, do I love him any less. NO.
Do I want to feel safe while we're playing, absolutly. And like I told him, if he can't adhere to the rules he came up with then it's not fair to the other men that we play with. And let me say this, that did not go over well at all.

Well I think I've said enough, everybody has their own view and I respect that, I really do, I didn't come here to cause any drama, all I wanted was some opinions, some clearity, some help and maybe some emotional support.

pacpl4funn