The Swingers Board - View Single Post - First Swap! DH forgot OUR rules! What to do??

DBL D · 10-20-2005, 07:08 PM

I think what the newbies try to do with their rules, or anyone for that matter, is to try to control the other and see how much they can take under pressure. Well, it isn't that simple. We have generally been very forgiving when we each break rules; she has changed a lot of the ways she thought about things since we started. I have too. We now do what each of us is comfy with (with our partners) and for the most part things are going pretty well. People can't and shouldn't be held to having sex just one or two ways. Too clinical and it becomes like the golf swing after awhile...paralysis by analysis.

Not much fun.

I don't want to sound like I'm coming down on anyone but after 3 years things should be different.

Here's a different approach. How about no rules? Then discuss that afterwards and decide what you should rule out or in. Too scary? Maybe. Sounds like a control issue here but one that should be dealt with in a loving and thoughtful manner.

You'll either become more comfy with each others way of swinging or you'll quit with a bad taste in YOUR mouth. Hope that doesn't happen.

Male D

10-20-2005, 07:08 PM	#29 (permalink)
DBL D Oh...Why not?... Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 2,312 Location: Northern Call-ee-forn-ee-ah Status: Married Couple	Re: 1st time swap and DH forgets OUR rules What to do?? I think what the newbies try to do with their rules, or anyone for that matter, is to try to control the other and see how much they can take under pressure. Well, it isn't that simple. We have generally been very forgiving when we each break rules; she has changed a lot of the ways she thought about things since we started. I have too. We now do what each of us is comfy with (with our partners) and for the most part things are going pretty well. People can't and shouldn't be held to having sex just one or two ways. Too clinical and it becomes like the golf swing after awhile...paralysis by analysis. Not much fun. I don't want to sound like I'm coming down on anyone but after 3 years things should be different. Here's a different approach. How about no rules? Then discuss that afterwards and decide what you should rule out or in. Too scary? Maybe. Sounds like a control issue here but one that should be dealt with in a loving and thoughtful manner. You'll either become more comfy with each others way of swinging or you'll quit with a bad taste in YOUR mouth. Hope that doesn't happen. Male D Last edited by DBL D : 10-20-2005 at 07:15 PM.