[pacpl4funn]

Hi again, and thanks,

We know that I'm a few pages behind him and therefore that's why we go at my pace, LOL

In talking to him, that's what I actually said last night, that I want to move on from this, just forget this happened and make the next time (should there be a next time) make that a new begining for us.

But he also knows not to loose his 'self-control' again, that for me, swinging, has to be enjoyable for both of us.

I know it's difficult to know how anyone is going to react, but I've expressed my feelings to him that there has to be a certain amount of care and consideration that is depended on for any of this to be sucessful and enjoyable.

I'm not saying that I don't want him to have any fun, cause I do, and I know he wants me to have fun. But at what cost is having THAT fun??

When we first started doing 3sums with other men, I was so worried about his feelings, that to be honest, it took several times for me to be sure he was ok. THEN and only THEN could I relax and really get into it. Ya know I was keeping myself aware of him being there, keeping him close, keeping him totally involved with what was happening. I was basicly "playing it safe" for his sake. Because I didn't know how he would feel "after"....

THAT is what I need, want and have to have from him in return. For him to play it safe for my sake. And he didn't when he knew he should have.

I have made this as clear as humanly possible to him, that anything less is just not acceptable to me. Period.

He's whole heartedly agreed, when this actually happened, talking to him was as good as talking to a brick wall. He got pissy, his tone of voice when he said he was sorry was full of anger & resentment. Then after more talking and talking, he left me this note in my email a few mornings after;

"The reason you got 3 different versions from me is I knew what I wanted to say, but didnt know how too untill *** said what he said and then it all came together as to what happend. But It had nothing to do with her at all. It was hearing you in the backround and the whole atmasfeer of things going on around me. I do love you and I am very very sorry for everything and going at your pace is fine. Im not trying to hurt you in any way. I just keep fucking up. Somtimes I think I was put on this earth to fuck things up. And I do a good job at it. Well I havta get into the shower now but just remember that when I fuck up it's not to hurt you, it's just the way my whole life has been, and I think it's hard to say Im sorry because then I have to addmitt that I screwed up yet 1 more time. Im sorry and I love you. The only thing In my life that I didnt fuck up was meeting you and being persistent till I got your attention. That was the best thing I ever did.
Love you"

(*** is a friend we have that swings so I asked him to explain arousal from a guys point of view. ***'s responce was, the difference, newness & sensation of being with another woman, combined with the excitiment & atmosphere, that that would drive any married guy who has only been with one woman in 4 years over the edge.)

So I guess all I can do is let time pass cause it's really to fresh in my mind.

thanks,
pacpl4funn