The Swingers Board - View Single Post - First Swap! DH forgot OUR rules! What to do??

txduo2000 · 10-20-2005, 11:41 AM

Absolutely not, it's not too much to ask.

My suggestion ... back up, start over, talk more before resuming play with anyone and most importantly, go with the comfort level of the least comfortable person - YOU. Re-examine why you are both in this lifestyle. I kind of get, from the way you describe him as being a bit unconcerned with your feelings, that maybe his primary goal is to "get some extra as much as possible" ... and that is NOT a good reason to be in it. As a couple, it is necessary to be in this TOGETHER and FOR EACH OTHER. Selfishness has no place in marriage, and has even less place in a marriage involving swinging.

If you feel like you would be more comfortable in a FMF situation to work yourselves up to couples at a later time, then that's what you need to do.

You cannot continue to harbor resentment. And if he is going to be in this lifestyle, macho or not, he is going to have to learn to open up and be completely honest about his own thoughts and feelings, but above all, he is going to have to learn to be most respectful of yours. Whether he understands it or not, if something hurts you, he has to be considerate and respectful of that and at least try to see it from your point of view.

You said yourself in your original post ... you guys are taking it slow because you aren't on the same page. It's really best to try to get on the same page before making any forays into actual play with others.

10-20-2005, 11:41 AM	#5 (permalink)
txduo2000 Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 662 Location: Dallas TX Area Status: Couple	Re: 1st time swap and DH forgets OUR rules What to do?? Absolutely not, it's not too much to ask. My suggestion ... back up, start over, talk more before resuming play with anyone and most importantly, go with the comfort level of the least comfortable person - YOU. Re-examine why you are both in this lifestyle. I kind of get, from the way you describe him as being a bit unconcerned with your feelings, that maybe his primary goal is to "get some extra as much as possible" ... and that is NOT a good reason to be in it. As a couple, it is necessary to be in this TOGETHER and FOR EACH OTHER. Selfishness has no place in marriage, and has even less place in a marriage involving swinging. If you feel like you would be more comfortable in a FMF situation to work yourselves up to couples at a later time, then that's what you need to do. You cannot continue to harbor resentment. And if he is going to be in this lifestyle, macho or not, he is going to have to learn to open up and be completely honest about his own thoughts and feelings, but above all, he is going to have to learn to be most respectful of yours. Whether he understands it or not, if something hurts you, he has to be considerate and respectful of that and at least try to see it from your point of view. You said yourself in your original post ... you guys are taking it slow because you aren't on the same page. It's really best to try to get on the same page before making any forays into actual play with others. __________________ Life is not measured by how many breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.