When a couple is just starting out, rules are always set. It's the safety net. The training wheels...the water wings. You know. So it's understandable that you both feel a need to do things one way or another; it feels safer for your relationship. However, separate room play can be potentially explosive. There are, of course, safety issues (for example a recent post addressed a terrible separate room encounter with a man who followed his urge to degrade his partner
). Then there's also the risk that you'll experience the
other kind of distraction, worrying about how much fun your partner is having on his/her own. Then there is the 'intimacy' issue. If you are concerned in the slightest that emotional attachment to other partners is a possibility, do NOT do separate rooms. The more public feel of same room encounters removes this feeling of 'stealing away' with someone else. Another issue is what happens
after the separate room encounter. If you and your partner are thinking that separate rooms will alleviate the jealousy you would feel at seeing one another with different partners, think again. Those thoughts don't go away; you've just put them in a box on a shelf in the closet. When/if you decide to try same room activities, those feelings may be even bigger than they would've been had you started out with same-room. Why? Because when you see your partner with someone else for the 'first time', it isn't really the first time is it? They had been with someone else before, and you weren't there to see it. The charming awkwardness is gone, and the experience they've gained shows. Suddenly you wonder how much you missed by not being there to see him/her doing this for the first time. You wonder what was talked and whispered about, what plans they made to see one another again (without you), whether your spouse said to the other "You're so much better than [hubby/wifey]."
This may not be the case, and some people may actually really enjoy the feelings that are aroused with separate room play. I'm just saying that for a first time, it's like walking a tightrope without a safety net.
For that matter, have you considered ways to work around your jealousies that don't include swinging? You could try going to a strip club together and buying a lap dance for one another (I love that suggestion), or try going to a bar and just flirting and dancing with other people and see how that flies. There are ways to ease into it; you don't need to dive in headfirst with full swap.
And as far as how same/separate room play is perceived by swingers, there is generally no opinion one way or the other. Most couples play same room, because it is something they do together as a couple, and they enjoy the interaction and visual aspect of it. Some, like Mr. intuition and I, occasionally like the kink of separate rooms. It fires up the imagination...in a good way! However we enjoy both same and separate and do not feel compelled to choose one over the other. While you may feel a need to do things one way or the other right now, I'd suggest that you work on moving past 'needing' to play a certain way, and toward gaining confidence in one another, and in your relationship. Once you get that down, the rest is gravy.