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Originally Posted by bellerophon My wife is loud, will my partner feel pressure to 'act' accordingly? I tend to last a while, will the other guy feel a bit inadequate if he is finished well before I am with his spouse? My wife is capable of multiple orgasms, what if the woman I am with is not? If the actual sex ends up not as enjoyable for one couple, will it spoil the mood for the others seeing it as such? I just do not want the expectations of performing for the other couple. Whether it is planned or not, I have to imagine this does set in. It seems like this would not be as much of a concern once you were into the lifestyle more and were completely at ease with the other couple. |
I can definitely see the point here. Quick, funny story. My husband's birthday was in July, and I had a big swinger party for him at one of our local on-premise clubs ... I had also rented a hotel room. So after the party, we had a group meet us at the hotel. We had all pretty much just recently met, so no one swapped, and it was all same room sex basically, but the funny thing was that my husband and I got a later start and were still going when everyone else was done (there was one other couple and a single female and a single male) ... he started feeling self-conscious, I was worn ragged, and the sun was coming up, so we just stopped.
But from that particular encounter, I can see where you are coming from with the pressure to match up what else is going on in the room.
As long as you maintain your perspective and remain completely honest with each other and as long as you are both on the same page with the desire to do separate room, then you should be fine. It's just not for us. But like I said, as prolific as same-roomers are, there definitely are those that are totally cool with separate. If you are perusing ad sites, sometimes you have to read deep into the profiles, too. Some will list themselves as same-room, but then in their profile they will say they are accepting of separate room.
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Is this viewed somewhat negatively by other swingers? That perhaps we are not as secure in our relationship if we want seperate room sex? In my mind, it shows how much we are trusting of each other and willing to give the other a full, private experience while at the same time we are going into it together and going home together.
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I don't think it's necessarily viewed negatively, just different strokes for different folks. Personally, we can't relate to those who prefer separate because it's something we would not do, so it's hard to understand what they like about it. Conversely, the same might be said for them with regard to our preferences.