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This is something that Ted and I have a LOT of experience in ...not the traditional DP (anal/vaginal)...but vaginal DP.
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We are with you here. We also started with dildo's and progressed to the real thing. She loves to ask the men how it feels to be touching each other etc. She's sooo kinky. But it gets her wild. Me, whatever gets her off.
We have never been stood up by a couple or single males. In fact, one evening we had been making arrangements with a guy who was a little wissy washy about his availability when another guy contacted us. At the last minute we decided to invite both expecting one not to show. We have never invited more than one man to join us before.
Well, the first showed at the bar and the second called to touch base. He asked if the first had shown, we said yes and he was surprised. So I guess it does happen and even the single men expect it.
My wife, of course, began to panic, three men, but that rapidly faded and in its place came an expression of "a kid in a candy store" facelick facelick
I do agree that part of the issue might be how you treat the men. Everyone deserves equal respect and consideration. We really go out of our way to make sure all involved are feeling comfortable.