 Re: My Wife Says Never!
You have it right, Mr. Classic. This is classic.
Fem D and I have been to a therapist years ago and I never felt that we got anything out of it except a reminder of the tools we can use for communication. A little too much venting and trying to get the pro on one of our sides was really un-nerving. (This had nothing to do with swinging issues.)
Fem D went through the same basic reactions that you have mentioned when swinging was brought up though. I think the main things that she was afraid of was that I would leave her and wasn't satisfied with her. When I was able to find out that she also had fantasies the whole thing started to get better toward the idea of actually sharing ourselves. I will also admit that I was very sexually frustrated even though our sex lives were never so fun and active. That confused her even more. I also went through the "I must not be normal" thing.
I have always felt that we had a great marriage. We've been together for 26 years now and have been able to work out everything that has ever been a problem. You really need to slow down and stop pushing her to talk about things during sex. It seems to bother her and she is doing it for you. Swinging is about seeing your SO have fun, but of their own volition.
As far as getting a divorce so you can pursue your dream, that is a red flag and I would recommend like the others that you not swing or talk much about it till you work out these other issues. Learn to separate sex and love. Learn to be understanding. Ask for patience from each other and you might just show her this board when the time is right.
Good luck to ya.
Male D
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