Here's my last update and thanks to those who commented.
We had our session today and it did not go well but I have to admit the good doctor was not as bad as I expected. He commented several times that my wife's mother did "too" good of a job preaching the values of being a good girl. This was based on observations of my wifes reactions to certain things.
I agreed to take the whole 3-somes, swingers etc off the table at the good doctor request. He said he wasn't passing judgment, he knew (like you all did) that my wife is just not the type of person to ever do it and it was causing her stress.
Then through further discussion it was determined my wife had "fear" because of my desire to go beyond normal sex. Even though she would pretend or talk about my fantisies during sex for my gratification, it turns out she's been afraid of going out in public because I would force her to have sex with another man while we were out. For example, she does not want to go to her 25th high school reunion for fear she would have a few too many drinks and I would force her to have sex with one of her friends or class mates. I know for a fact I ever threatened her to get my way, but the good doctor says that perception is everything. If she thinks I'm going to do this at any cost than her fear is valid. So while I've been asking for it consistently for 14 years and never got even close to it, she's been in fear that I would force her to do it anyways.
I don't know what to do. I apologized to her in front of the doctor, again in the car and now I feel like a real ass. But I'm also mad that she would have that level of fear and never say anything and still continue to act out the fantasy in the bedroom. I don't know if the marriage is worth salvaging at this point.
best of luck to everyone...I'm outa here.