I know what you mean
AlanCatherine. I think for many, it just gets too close to poly.
Fem D and I haven't talked about it that much probably because we haven't seen a problem from it. Well, on the other hand, there may have been a problem with it from the other couples view. We met a couple once and on the way back to our cars I walked with the other lady and
Fem D walked with him. She grabbed my hand. We ended up playing with them but haven't been with them since. Maybe her hubby had a problem with it, or even thought that I'd initiated the maneuver. Some things will always remain unknown in the swinging world.
We both feel that if our relationship is strong then these things shouldn't be a problem. We know how we feel about each other and actually look forward to being with couple who can feel secure enough in their relationship to be able to do that. It helps us know that they really want to be with us. We all know that we have to split up and won't see each other (the other couple) for as long as several months. I'm not saying that people who have this rule aren't secure, but I think we place road blocks to really being fulfilled.
We always want to be left satisfied.
Male D